To be Blunt, Sarcastic, and Psychotic
by Niwasae
Summary: ItaNaru. Not sure of other pairings, yet. Naruto pretended to be an idiot so that he wouldn't be placed with THEM, but it backfired so now he's stuck with a Madao for a sensei, Pepto-Bismol, and Duck-Butt-Emo-King.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: i dun own Naruto or any refrence to Gintama's Madao. I'll be posting a Madao refrence page for all those Gintama fans who were wondering about the differnt types of Madao.**

Yeah, so, new story....haha...DON'T KILL ME!

_Enjoy_

_**Niwasae Shiina

* * *

**_

"Team 7: Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura," Iruka started.

"YES! Take that Ino-pig!" the pink haired Kunoichi shouted.

"And Uzumaki Naruto." Iruka continued on as if Sakura didn't interrupt.

"Hn."

"Why that loser" Sakura whined.

"What the FUCK!"

Everyone went silent and turned to the orange wearing genin. The blond haired shinobi stood and his sapphire blue eyes flashed angrily. The suns rays hit the mid-back golden-blond hair that was tied in a low ponytail. His short but slender stature radiated anger waves that had Akamaru whimpering in fear.

"I did not become dead-last so that I could be stuck with the walking Pepto-Bismol Ad and the duck-butt-emo-king as my fucking teammates! I became dead-last so that I **wouldn't **be stuck with them for the rest of my genin life!"

"Who are you calling a 'walking Pepto-Bismol Ad'?!" Sakura shouted. Sasuke just glared at Naruto.

Naruto sneered at her.

"What, are you deaf? Kami just looking at you makes me sick. Ugh, isn't Pepto-Bismol supposed to be a laxative?" he put a hand over his mouth and looked away from Sakura who was being held back by Iruka for trying to throw a kunai at him.

"Pepto-Bismol only treats minor upsets in the digestive system. It's not a laxative." Shikamaru stated from besides him.

"It's not like you are going to be stuck with them forever Naruto," Iruka started after Sakura calmed down somewhat. "It'll only be for a couple of months until you reach the chunin exams."

"Don't try to sympathize with me Iruka-sensei. **You** are not the one that's going to be stuck with them, **I **am! Besides, you need to be recommended to be in the chunin exams. Our sensei could be some kind of lazy pervert who only reads porn and comes late to every single freaking meeting only to teach nothing!" Naruto nearly screamed.

Iruka sweatdropped.

'Maybe I shouldn't tell him…' he thought.

--

_The Hokage office…_

"ACHOO!" Kakashi sneezed.

"Ah, someone must be talking about you Hatake-san." Kurenai stated.

"Sou ka…" he replied absently and continued to read his porn.

Kurenai twitched.

"As I was saying, Kakashi, would you give your students a chance before you fail them?" the old Sandaime asked.

Kakashi sighed and nodded.

--

"So, introduce yourselves. It can be anything from likes, dislikes, to dreams." Hatake Kakashi drawled. His silver hair swayed with the light breeze while his uncovered eye was reading the lines of his "Icha Icha Paradise" book. There was a slight blush that the genin could detect from under his face mask as he giggled perversely.

"You've got to be kidding me." Naruto deadpanned.

It seemed Naruto's prediction of their sensei was correct.

Lazy: Check.

Perverted: Double Check.

Porn: Triple Check.

Late: Check x100.

"You can't be serious." Sakura moaned.

Sasuke twitched.

Kakashi looked at his students confusedly.

"Am I missing something?" he asked aloud.

"That better be a rhetorical question you ero-sensei." Naruto growled.

Team 7 was on the roof of the school building and getting ready to introduce themselves…3 hours later then the rest of the genin who already left.

"I'm not an ero-sensei." Kakashi defended.

"Then what are you?" Naruto demanded.

"Well—" Kakashi started.

"Ah, I get it. You must be depraved. Is that why you're reading porn, because you can't get any? Che, then all you are is a (ma)tomo ni (da)karetakunai (o)toko: a man no one wants to date. In short, a Madao." Naruto sighed and turned away.

"Since you feel like talking, why don't you introduce yourself first." Kakashi demanded as his hand twitched towards his kunai pouch.

"My name is Uzumaki Naruto. For the past 3 fucking years, I pretended to be a stupid idiot to get the reputation of 'dead-last'; all so that I didn't have to be stuck with Pepto-Bismol over here and duck-ass over there. But as you can see, it backfired so now I'm stuck with the worst teammates in the history of existence. Why, you ask? Because there **is** no team. Duck-ass over there thinks that team is spelled with an 'I' and Pepto thinks that the sun shines out of his ass. And you, you lame excuse of a jounin-sensei, all you are is a freaking MADAO!" Naruto yelled, standing. He took a calming breath and sat back down. "Anyways, I like ramen, training, and my friends. I **hate** you all, so jump off a freaking bridge and die. My dream is to find a hubby and settle down after a long career of chaos and destruction in the ANBU corps."

The rooftop was silent as everyone, once again, stared at the supposed dobe of the entire genin class.

'I have a psycho on my team!' was the collective thought of the three.

"O—kay then. Pinky, you're next." Kakashi pointed to Sakura.

"My name is Haruno Sakura. Not Pinky. Not Pepto-Bismol. Sakura. I like-looks at Sasuke-eep! I dislike Ino-pig but I **hate **Naruto! My goal is-again, looking at Sasuke-eep!" Sakura blushed. Naruto and Sasuke moved away from her and tried to ignore the squealing girl.

'A psycho and a diehard fan-girl…Kami save me. Well, the Uchiha can't be that bad.' Kakashi thought.

"Broody you're last now speak up." Kakashi teased only to get a glare in return. He could've sworn he heard the word 'Pedo' coming from the blond but dismissed it.

"My name is Uchiha Sasuke. I have no likes but many dislikes-he glared at his teammates and jounin-sensei-my dream, no my ambition is to kill a certain man and revive my clan." Sasuke stated.

Once again it was silent. Sakura was on Cloud 9 while Naruto and Kakashi just stared at him.

'Great a psycho, a diehard fan-girl, and an avenger. Minato-sensei…WHAT AM I GOING TO DOOOOOO?!' Kakashi yelled in his mind.

"Aren't you supposed to be a genius you idiot? Dream and ambition mean the same thing you dumb-ass. Read a freaking thesaurus. Also, it doesn't take a freaking mastermind to figure out who you're talking about. It's not like nobody knows who caused the Uchiha Massacre. Kami and you call me 'dobe'. And everyone wonders why I didn't want to be stuck with Pepto and duck-ass." Naruto mumbled the last part.

Sasuke was ready to jump at Naruto along with Sakura when Kakashi interrupted to keep the peace.

"Anyways, tomorrow is the survival test to see if you guys will become official genin." Kakashi said only to get glared at by his three soon-to-be students.

"What do you mean? I thought we were already genin." Sakura asked.

"The test you took at the academy was to weed out the idiots. There is a 66% chance failure and those who fail goes back to the academy for remedial training." Kakashi chuckled darkly.

Sasuke gritted his teeth and glared at the floor while Naruto sighed and Sakura worried about her self-image. Kakashi handed out three scrolls and leaned back against the rooftop railing.

"Meet me tomorrow morning at 5 for the survival test. Oh, and don't eat if you don't want to throw it back up. Ja!" he disappeared in a swirl of leaves.

"Che, I'll bet that Madao is going to be late tomorrow." Naruto said as he stretched and let out a soft moan when his back cracked. He glared distastefully at his detested orange jumpsuit.

"I can finally get rid of this crap. Not that I don't like orange but this is a little too much for my tastes." Naruto muttered to himself as he jumped off the academy roof and headed home.

Sasuke stared at the retreating blond, a little bit disturbed by the fact that he enjoyed hearing that sound. Sakura winced when she heard Naruto's spine pop and shivered before turning to Sasuke with adoring eyes.

"Sasuke-kun do you want to have dinner with me?"

"No."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: i dun Naruto or any refrence to Gintama**

Another chapter...

_Enjoy_

_**Niwasae Shiina

* * *

**_The next morning, Naruto burned all of his jumpsuits. He then proceeded to pull out all of his regular clothing from the boxes in the storage closet. He let out a happy sigh when he looked in the mirror. His charcoal grey sleeveless turtleneck fit snugly around his lean torso and flat stomach. His black shorts reached just past his knees and had several pockets. Naruto grumbled when he didn't find his belt. His hitai-ate was tied around his upper left arm on a black cloth instead of the standard blue. He brushed his long hair back and pulled it together into a mid-high ponytail.

He left his flat with two storage scrolls and his weapons pouch. The black pouch went around his waist while one of the scrolls went into a pocket. He looked down at the scroll in his hands and smiled an angelic yet evil smile.

When he reached the training grounds, Sakura and Sasuke were already there. It was around 7 a.m. two hours past the meeting time and Kakashi still wasn't there.

"Ah, I should've made it a real bet." Naruto scowled. He slapped a smile on his face when Sakura and Sasuke turned to him with a glare.

"YOUR'RE LATE!" Sakura yelled.

"No really," Naruto mock gasped and placed a hand over his mouth, eyes wide. He then proceeded to snort and roll his eyes. "Way to state the obvious Pepto. Now put a cork in it. My peace was disturbed by the monkey you painfully murdered when you screamed."

"I do not scream like a monkey!" Sakura shouted when she got the implication.

"I never said you did Pepto so stop putting words in my mouth." Naruto glared as he sat on the other side of Sasuke. The clearing was quiet for the next 10 minutes before Naruto spoke.

"So, who ate this morning?"

"Kakashi-sensei told us not to eat." Sakura stated.

"If he told you jump off a bridge, would you do it? You know what, never mind. Don't answer that." Naruto sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He looked at Sasuke who grunted a negative.

"That, ladies and gentlemen, is what separates common sense from idiocy." Naruto snorted. He looked down at his scroll and unrolled it. The scroll held only three columns and all of them were blank. He bit his thumb and let a drop of blood hit one column of the scroll. It poof-ed and revealed an apple. Naruto picked it up and bit into the crisp flesh as the apple's juices covered his pink lips and cling to the corner of his mouth. He moaned and wiped his mouth with a napkin-that came with the apple-and continued to eat. He didn't need to look at his teammates to know that they were staring hungrily at the apple. He could hear their stomachs growl and whine with want.

After he was done with the apple, he tossed the core over his shoulder and went onto the next column of his scroll. Two oranges appeared and he leaned back against the tree behind him as he peeled an orange with his hand. It was clumsy and messy but it got what he wanted across. The juice of the orange was running down his fingers as he ripped the orange down the middle and ate it piece by piece. When he was finished with the two oranges, he licked his fingers clean and looked at his soon-to-be teammates with an innocent smile.

"Is something the matter?" he asked.

Sasuke was looking away from temptation with one hand on his growling stomach. Sakura on the other hand was staring at the scroll as if it held all the answers in the universe. He smirked.

"Well will you look at that, only one column left. I wonder what's inside!" Naruto said as if he didn't already know. Sasuke had already turned around and had his eyes firmly attached to the last column of the scroll while Sakura was salivating.

Naruto bit his thumb and reached for the scroll but paused.

"Maybe I should save it for later." He said as if the other two weren't staring.

He was about to put it away when it was snatched away from him by Sakura who was looking not unlike a rabid Chihuahua.

"It's mine! ALL MINE!" she shouted. She bit her thumb and let a drop of blood drop on the last column.

Nothing happened.

Sasuke stared in confusion while Sakura started to look desperate. Naruto just smiled smugly.

"What's going on? Why isn't this working?!" she screeched and turned her furious green eyes on the blond.

"What, you don't know? Che, aren't you supposed to be the smartest in class Pepto?"

Sakura started to think and analyzed the scroll.

"There isn't anything that I don't recognize on this scroll. There isn't any seal that makes it keyed to your blood so why isn't it opening?!" she nearly cried. Realization dawned on Sasuke as he snorted and glared at the blond.

"That's because there's nothing in it." Sasuke stated.

"Bingo Duck-ass. You just leveled-up from retard to idiot! Congratulations." Naruto said with a foxy smile. Sasuke twitched in anger but grunted and looked away.

Sakura was quiet as she mumbled something under her breath. Her eyes were crazed as she looked up and screamed in fury.

"I'LL KILL YOU!!!"

"Bring it on Pepto!"

"Hn."

--

When Kakashi arrived at 10 o'clock, the sight that met his eye made his brow twitch.

Sakura looked like she came out of a battle. Her hair had twigs and leaves in it. Her hitai-ate was split in half and her clothes were torn in various places. She had bloodshot eyes and had scratches and bruises everywhere. Her hands were twitchy and her breathing was labored.

Sasuke had a repetitive tic on his right eye but otherwise looked fine as he meditated.

Naruto on the other hand looked totally refreshed and relaxed as he rested on top of a tree branch that was at least 15 feet off the ground.

"Ohayo!" Kakashi spoke. He gulped as he encountered two furious glares.

"You. Are. Late." Sakura stated in a gravelly voice as if she screamed herself hoarse.

"Sorry, I got lost on the path of life." Kakashi stated.

"How can you get lost on a path that only goes one way?" Sasuke growled.

"It just proves that you are a Madao. A (ma)ru de (da)me na (o)ssan: good-for-nothing old man. In short, Madao." Naruto said from his position up on the tree.

Kakashi twitched.

"I'm not an old man."

Everyone just stared at his hair and snorted before looking away.

"Oi, I'll have you know that even though I have silver hair, I'm 23 years old."

"Then why is your hair silver? Is it because you can't handle the stress Madao?" Naruto asked.

"No, I was born with silver hair." Kakashi growled.

"Pfft, right." Sakura muttered and looked away. She was tired and all she wanted to do was to go home and sleep. Taking the survival test was the furthest thing from her mind. Not only that, she was starving.

Sasuke, like it or not, was on the same wavelength as Sakura. All he wanted to do was get something to eat and regain his energy. He hated to admit that Naruto was right and it was stupid to come to the survival test without some kind of nourishment. After all, no shinobi in his/her right mind would go on a mission or battle without eating first.

Naruto was enjoying the torment his soon-to-be teammates were in. He didn't think that Sakura would loose it, but that was just an added bonus. All those injuries were caused by her-self. Who knew that she had a hard-couldn't-time climbing trees? Naruto didn't. Nope.

"Maa, everything aside, shall we begin? I have two bells with me you must retrieve before or by the time the alarm goes off at noon. The one who doesn't have a bell by the time the alarm goes off is going to be sent back to the academy while the other two will go on as official genin. I have two bento boxes for the two winners while the loser will be tied to the tree stump. Any questions?" Kakashi asked with a smile.

"WHAT?!" Sakura screeched sending the birds flying from the treetops with angry squawks.

--

"I'm telling you this because you don't get it. You think you get it, which is not the same as actually getting it. Get it?" Kakashi sighed.

"I actually do get it you freaking Madao. Now will you hurry up and send Pepto back to the academy?! Duck-ass and I got your stupid bells by cooperating so you can't fail us." Naruto glared.

"Like I said, this is about teamwork!" Kakashi said exasperatedly.

"We did use teamwork Madao. What did it look like when Duck-ass and I got the bells **together** by working **together**?!" Naruto said with a tic.

"What part of teamwork don't you understand you brat?!" Kakashi growled.

"What don't you understand?! Teamwork implies the working of more than **one** person. Duck-ass and I make two persons you retard! Last I checked you didn't need three people, specifically, to form a team. Right Duck-ass?" Naruto asked Sasuke.

Sasuke ignored the nickname and nodded.

"Then what about Sakura?" Kakashi sighed.

"What about Pepto? She passed out as soon as you laid that genjutsu on her. She did it a second time when she thought that Duck-ass was decapitated. There was no time to ask between her passing out and running about like a headless monkey trying to look for her precious Duck-ass. Besides, Pepto wouldn't have accepted help or helped unless it was Duck-ass who was asking so I didn't even bother." Naruto said with a shrug.

"I'm right here you know. Just because I'm tied up doesn't mean that I can't hear you." Sakura growled.

"We weren't talking to you Pepto so your opinion doesn't matter in this case. Not that it ever does." Naruto mumbled the last part. Sasuke, who was sitting next to the blond, chuckled lowly. Naruto's eyes widened as he stared at the brunet.

"Did you just laugh? Holy shit he's moving from the emo stage! Ah, wait, never mind." Naruto said when Sasuke started to glare at him.

"ANYWAYS," Kakashi yelled to get their attention. "You all fail. The purpose of this exercise is teamwork; of the **entire** team-looks pointedly at Naruto-not just two of you. Remember, those who break the rules of the shinobi world are scum, but those who abandon their friends are worse than that."

There was a thoughtful silence as Kakashi stared at the memorial where all the deceased shinobi were written down. It was quiet until a certain blond broke it.

"But we aren't friends." Naruto stated.

A loud BAM reverberated throughout training ground 7 as Naruto's head met the ground.

"That hurt Madao!"

BAM!

"Itai!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: i dun own Naruto or any reference to Gintama...**

Hey people. Sorry for not updating. I've been, and still am, sick. Ugh, the toilet is my new best friend. -whimper-

_Enjoy_

_**Niwasae Shiina

* * *

**_Naruto stared down at Tora with an ominous smile on his face. The cat was cornered with nowhere else to run. Naruto's headset was around his neck. He ignored his name being called by his team and fanned the three shurikens in his hand. He brought them up to chin level and got ready to throw them.

"Saraba(farewell) Tora-chan." Naruto smiled. Tora's eyes widened as she yowled in distress. Her life flashed before her eyes.

Then Kakashi was there. He had one hand covering Naruto's eyes and the other on the hand that was holding the shuriken.

"Mataku, kids these days know no patience." Kakashi sighed and watched as Sakura coaxed the frightened cat into her arms. Sasuke was leaning against the building where the cat was almost assassinated.

"My patience flew away the minute we got this mission. Did you know that this was our 25th time going after that cat? If the Daimyo's wife can't keep track of the stupid fur-ball then why does she keep it?" Naruto asked as he pushed away Kakashi's hands and put away his shuriken.

"Well, it isn't really any of our concern. We are being paid to fulfill our client's wishes, unreasonable as they may seem at times." Kakashi said with a pat to Naruto's head.

Naruto scowled but walked towards the Hokage tower to hand in their report at the Mission office.

'Why exactly are we a team again?' Kakashi asked himself.

--

_A couple weeks ago during survival test…_

"You pass!" Kakashi smiled.

"Excuse me? I thought you just said that we failed." Naruto frowned.

"Well, you just proved to me that you guys **can** work as teammates, and the first step is learning how to share."

"Learning how to sh—wait are you talking about us feeding Pepto, because if it is it's only because she wouldn't shut up about dying of starvation." Naruto said.

"Yes." Kakashi said happily.

"You're delusional." Sasuke deadpanned.

"Look, do you want to pass or not?" Kakashi frowned.

"We'll take the 'pass' Madao so don't get your panties in a twist."

Kakashi just groaned.

--

'That's why. Maybe I shouldn't have let them pass. My stress levels would've been that much lower if I didn't. Maa, the council would've killed me if their precious Uchiha didn't pass so sharing or not, they would've passed.' Kakashi let out a huge sigh which attracted the stares of his students.

"Is walking that tiring for you? If you want, we can rest. After all, at your age your bones must be protesting the exercise." Naruto said.

"For the last time, I'm not 50. I'm 23!" Kakashi growled.

"I never said you were 50, Madao. Did I say he was 50 Duck-ass?" Naruto turned to Sasuke.

Sasuke smirked and grunted a negative.

"Pepto?"

"Nope." Sakura said.

"Well, there you go," Naruto said with a smile. Kakashi felt like strangling the blond. "And here we are." Naruto finished. Kakashi, for the first time in his life, was happy to see the Hokage Tower, if only to escape from Naruto's comments.

--

Tora was being squeezed to death by a big woman. Naruto frowned. She looked familiar but he couldn't place where. The last 24 times they had to catch the damn Neko, a male messenger from the Daimyo's castle came to get it. Naruto turned to Kakashi and said in a, barely, low tone,

"Who's the fat lady?"

Kakashi stared incredulously at the boy. He checked to see if Naruto was somehow just making fun, but from the look on Naruto's face, he really didn't know who she was.

"She's the Daimyo's wife Naruto. Please speak a little lower next time." Kakashi murmured when the Sandaime sent him a look along with Iruka. The other shinobi in the room were chuckling lowly.

"Oh, so that's why I recognize her. I saw her in the newspaper." Naruto said, ignoring Kakashi's advice.

"Did you say something young lady?" the Lady asked.

Everyone in the room froze as they watched Naruto and the Lady Daimyo in growing horror.

'That fatso did not just call me a lady!' Naruto growled in his mind.

"Now Naruto, I'm sure the Lady Daimyo didn't mean it that way." Sandaime started in a placating manner. Naruto glared at the elderly Hokage.

Unfortunately for Naruto, the Lady Daimyo was escorted out before he could say anything to her, much to the relief of everyone else in the room. Still, it really didn't help with the situation since Naruto was still furious, which meant mass destruction for months to come in form of pranks.

"How about a C-class mission?" the Hokage suggested, more towards the volatile blond than towards his teammates.

Kakashi was not too surprised by the suggestion and looked at his students. Sasuke looked excited, well as excited as an Uchiha can get. Sakura was unsure and looked between Naruto and Sasuke for their opinion instead. Naruto, on the other hand, looked thoughtful.

"I know you're trying to bribe me ero-jiji. However, I feel like tearing that stupid Neko into pieces so—" Naruto was interrupted by a hand being slapped over his mouth, courtesy of Sasuke.

"We'll take it." he stated.

"Great!" the Sandaime stated and placed his stamp of approval on the C-class mission in front of him.

"But Hokage-sama," Iruka started only to falter under Sarutobi's, the Sandaime, look. "Fine." he sighed.

"Would you bring Tazuna in please." Sarutobi said to the chunin on guard.

A tall old man walked in with a jug of sake in one hand and a flush on his cheeks. His eyes were clear though, so he wasn't drunk.

"Tazuna-san meet Team 7, your escort back to Nami no Kuni." Sarutobi said.

Tazuna looked at the mentioned team.

"What the hell? They're just brats! Especially the short girl in the middle!" Tazuna complained.

Naruto twitched and threw a kunai at the man faster than Kakashi could stop him. Tazuna's sake jug was split in half while the kunai embedded itself into the wall behind him. Tazuna was on the floor in shock when Naruto grabbed the front of his shirt with one hand and another kunai in the other. Naruto looked menacingly down at the frightened man.

"Oi, did you just call me a girl? Do you want me to cut off your dick, you (ma)ssa ni (da)rusou na (o)yaji: really uncool-looking old man, in short, Madao," Naruto said, shaking the old man back and forth. "I know, you can be Madao II. Now let's see if I can make you a real woman Madao II." Naruto raised the kunai and aimed in-between Tazuna's legs.

Once again, Kakashi was there. Except this time, he was holding Naruto under one arm with while the other hand held Naruto's kunai.

"Maa, you're not supposed to kill the client." Kakashi stated; while putting away the kunai and pulling out his porn.

"Oi, give my kunai back to me. Besides, I was going to castrate him, not kill him." Naruto said in a flat voice.

"He would've bleed all over the floor and died." Kakashi said absently.

"That's why we have Medic-nin." Naruto retorted.

"The point is, Naruto, not to attack the client." Sarutobi interrupted while Iruka looked like he was going to have a heart attack. Sasuke had a hand over his face while Sakura looked ready to faint.

"Fine, but when we reach Nami, your dick is mine." Naruto said pointing towards the old man, still on the floor.

"And what exactly are you going to do with it?" Iruka asked composure regained.

"I'm going to sell it on the Black Market. It brings in good money you know." Naruto said in a matter-of-fact tone of voice. Iruka and every other male in the room turned pale and placed their hands over their crotch, except for Kakashi for obvious reasons.

"Oi, can you put me down now? You're crushing my stomach Madao."


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: i dun own Naruto or any reference to Gintama...**

This chapter might not be as funny, and that's because my mood has been kind of down. Ah well...

_Enjoy_

_**Niwasae Shiina

* * *

**_Naruto sighed as they passed by a puddle of water. He looked at Kakashi and sighed again when his sensei raised a brow.

'It's sad that we're getting ambushed 50 miles out of Konoha. It's only the first day too.' Naruto thought and pulled out his kunai.

He turned just as they attacked Kakashi and leapt into the fray. The Nin nearest to Naruto was momentarily distracted as he pulled back his weapon. Naruto used that moment to slit his throat and block the incoming attack from the other Nin. He was about to kick his enemy away from him when the Nin was forced back by Sasuke's Kanton jutsu. Naruto spared a look at his teammate and saw him leap for the kill, only to be held back by Kakashi who apprehended the Nin and knocked him out.

Naruto twitched.

"Madao, next time you play dead, stay dead."

Kakashi feigned a hurt look and tied the Nin to the tree that he was hiding in earlier.

"And here I thought that you guys missed me."

"Who would miss you?!" Naruto retorted.

"Well that aside, good work boys. Though it seems that this isn't the first time you've seen death, na Naruto?" Kakashi asked.

Naruto just glared at him.

"Of course it isn't the first time I've seen a dead person. Have you ever been to the slums in Konoha? Everywhere you turn, someone is either getting killed, raped, or doing something else illegal. But that's not what you're asking is it?"

Everyone stared at the blond in different states of shock. To think that he'd actually seen all that was unimaginable to the others. Kakashi, however, had a stoic look on his face. He knew that up until two years ago, Naruto had lived in the slums. Everyone, jounin and above, knew what happened. Two years ago, on Naruto's birthday, Naruto had fused with Kyuubi. That was the reason why Naruto's features became slightly more angular and feminine. It was also the reason why he didn't have the whisker marks on his cheeks anymore. It was the main reason for his attitude change and partly for his fighting reflexes. What nobody, but a few didn't know, was why he was suddenly moved into a flat in the upper-class section of Konoha. Kakashi was one of the few who knew. The brat had found out his lineage that night as the Yondaime Hokage's one and only child. But Naruto was correct, that wasn't what he wanted to ask.

"This isn't your first kill." He stated instead of asking.

"No, it isn't." Naruto answered coldly, signaling the end of the conversation.

--

Sakura and Sasuke froze when they heard Naruto's voice. They had never heard the blond speak that way before. There was a cold yet fiery aura surrounding Naruto, as if his chakra was reacting to his mood. It was unnerving and scary for the duo.

--

There was a tense silence as Kakashi and Naruto stared each other down. Kakashi sighed with a smile and pat Naruto on the head.

"Don't touch me Madao. I don't want to be infected by your pervy-germs." Naruto said and everyone gave a collective sigh of relief…inwardly. The blond was back to normal.

"I don't have "pery-germs" Naruto." Kakashi said and turned to the tied up Nin.

"What are we going to do with him Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura asked.

"I'll send a message to the Hokage to pick up our dear Nuke-Nin. On the other hand, I think it's time you fess up Tazuna-san. Ever since we left the Mission Office in Konoha, I knew you weren't telling us something. The fact that we were ambushed by Nuke-Nin only 50 miles out of Konoha confirmed it."

Tazuna sighed and told his story about a man named Gatou and how his terrorism was blocking all trade to Nami by boat, thus ruining their economy and way of life. That was why they were building a bridge to connect with the mainland. It was to start the economy rolling again from its frozen state. Gatou, however, was trying to kill Tazuna to stop them from completing the bridge.

"What you are asking for is an A-class mission; a mission that is usually given to jounin and higher." Kakashi stated.

"But we don't have the money! All we could afford was a C-class mission." Tazuna futilely explained.

"Would you stop your whining Madao II? Kami, I'm getting pissed off. Let's just continue the mission Madao. We're only half-a-day away from Nami so it'd be a waste to turn back now. 'Sides, Duck-ass looks like he's going to fry your ass if we turn back."

Kakashi turned to Sasuke, who he found was glaring at him. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"Sakura, you're part of this team too. What do you want to do?" Kakashi asked the frightened girl.

She looked at Sasuke and gathered herself inwardly and gave a determined nod.

"Let's go then." Kakashi said. Tazuna gave a relieved sigh which made Naruto snort and roll his eyes.

--

Naruto stared down at the frightened white rabbit. His stomach gave a growl.

"I'm hungry usagi-san. Now stay still while I kill you." Naruto raised a kunai and aimed.

"Leave the poor rabbit alone Naruto!" Sakura shouted.

"Shut up Pepto! I'm hungry and it's begging to be eaten!"

"Maa, maa clam down you two…GET DOWN!" Kakashi shouted and dragged Sakura and Tazuna down to the floor while Naruto and Sasuke ducked out of the way. Team 7 stood and got into a defensive formation around Tazuna when they saw another shinobi standing on his sword that was lodged into the tree trunk.

Naruto tuned out the conversation between Kakashi and the Nin and stared instead at the **huge** and **long** sword.

"Talk about compensation." Naruto said absently.

Everyone turned to him incredulously.

"Ah, did I say that out loud?"

--

"…You're joking right," Naruto deadpanned. "Please tell me that I'm seeing things and that our **jounin**-sensei didn't actually get caught inside a freaking water prison."

"You're not seeing things." Tazuna stated sympathetically.

"What the hell?! What, exactly do you have the fucking Sharingan for Madao?! Last I heard having a Kekkei Genkai was not for decorative purposes!" Naruto yelled.

Sasuke twitched at the Sharingan comment but quietly agreed with Naruto. What exactly **was** Kakashi-sensei doing?

"It's not that easy." Kakashi said.

"Your age must be catching up with you Madao!"

"For the last time, I'm not old!"

"I never said you were!"

"You implied it!"

"There's a difference between saying things and implying things. Get it straight Madao!"

"Would you two just SHUT UP? JUST SHUT UP GOD DMANIT!" Zabuza yelled.

"You shut up you eyebrow-less freak! Why the hell do you have that huge ass sword anyways? Are you that self-conscious about your size? Do you somehow feel threatened by the fact that Duck-ass, Madao, Madao II, and I might have a bigger penis than you?" he asked with a knowing smirk.

The clearing was silent until Tazuna fell to the floor, laughing. Sakura was blushing up a storm and Kakashi chuckled. Sasuke looked from the sword and back to Zabuza before smirking.

Zabuza lost his temper and attacked. Sakura screamed while Sasuke got into a defensive stance. Naruto on the other hand was still smirking with his hands stuffed in his pockets.

"Die gaki!" Zabuza yelled and slashed his sword downwards to cut down the blond.

"Naruto!" Sakura screamed.

Tazuna and Sasuke watched in horror as the blade fell closer towards the blonde's body.

"Ba-ka." Naruto drawled with a smirk.

THUNK!

Kakashi was standing between Naruto and Zabuza with a kunai blocking the sword.

"Thank you Naruto." Kakashi smiled.

"Whatever Madao." Naruto replied as Kakashi and Zabuza began their second round of fighting.

--

"If you're going to predict someone's death, make sure it happens Madao." Naruto said as he, Sasuke, and Sakura sat around Kakashi's resting form on the bed.

Sasuke and Sakura looked at Naruto in confusion.

"What do you mean?" Sakura asked.

"Didn't you learn** anything** useful back at the academy Pepto?" Naruto sneered.

Sasuke gasped sharply.

"No way…"

"Well at least one of you gets it." Naruto muttered.

"How can you be sure?" Sasuke demanded.

"What is the only thing a Hunter-Nin needs as proof of their kill?" Naruto asked.

"The head," Sakura said slowly as she understood where the conversation was going. "Then why take the body?"

"That's because, that Hunter-Nin is a fake and is more than likely, Zabuza's companion." Kakashi said.

Sakura jumped and gave a small 'eep', Sasuke grunted, and Naruto gave a small, two fingered wave.

"So, what's the plan?" Naruto asked.

"Intensive training." Kakashi replied with a chirpy smile.

"I have the sudden need to bash your face in Madao." Naruto said while cracking his knuckles.

"Ehh?! Why?" Sakura yelled as she and Sasuke got ready to hold the blond back.

"His smile is pissing me off," he answered Sakura and turned his focus to Kakashi who was still smiling at the blond. "Besides, he's only suffering from a **minor** case of chakra exhaustion. I'm sure that he can defend himself…maybe."

"Maybe?!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: i dun own Naruto or any reference to Gintama...**

Another chapter!

_Enjoy_

_**Niwasae Shiina

* * *

**_"I'm finished chopping the meat Tsunami-san. Would you like me to put it in the pot right now?" Naruto asked with a gentle smile.

"Yes please. Oh, what a sweet child you are Naruto-kun. I'm so glad that you and Inari are getting along now, especially after what happened last night." The lady smiled back.

"All we had was a talk that wiped away any kind of misunderstanding, so it's fine now. Right Inari?" Naruto asked the young boy next to him.

"Right nii-san!"

All three of them laughed delightfully. Behind them, at the table, Tazuna, Sasuke, Sakura, and Kakashi were staring at the picture with a look of shock on their faces.

"I'm dreaming. I'm still in bed right now." Kakashi mumbled under his breath repeatedly.

"Is it an imposter?" Sakura asked.

"Hn."

"He's corrupting my family!" Tazuna yelled.

Everything stopped and everyone turned to Tazuna. Tsunami had her hands on her hips and a glare on her face. Inari was also glaring at his grandfather.

They all heard a sniffle and saw Naruto wiping the corner of his eye.

"I know we had a rocky start Tazuna-san, but I didn't think that you disliked me that much." He whimpered.

The rest of Team 7 and Tazuna were twitching.

"What happened to 'Madao II'? That's what you called me isn't it?"

Naruto flinched back if struck. Tsunami and Inari had enough and marched up to the only living adult male in their family and gave him a piece of their mind.

"How could you say that about Naruto-kun? He's a sweet boy and a good role model for Inari!" Tsunami scolded and smacked her father across the arm.

"But he's lying to you!"

"Don't say bad things about Naru-niisan!" Inari cried and kicked his grandfather on the shin.

Tazuna howled in pain and looked behind his daughter's and grandchild's shoulders to see Naruto leaning against the kitchen counter. He was twirling a knife in his hands with a smirk on his lips and an evil look in his eyes. The eyes were speaking to him. _"One more word and your dick is mine!"_

Tazuna paled and fainted away. Tsunami cried in shock. She turned around to Naruto, who had a smile on his face and his hands behind his back.

"Can you bring a wet towel please?" she asked with a returning smile.

"Of course, I'm pretty sure that Uchiha-san and Haruno-san can help you take Tazuna-san up to his room since Hatake-sensei can't do so."

'Since when the HELL do you call us by our names?!' was the collective thought Sasuke, Sakura, and Kakashi.

"That would be wonderful," Tsunami sighed in relief and turned to the rest of Team 7. "Is something the matter?"

Sakura was gaping while Sasuke and Kakashi were twitching.

"No, everything is fine!" Sakura hastily replied and went to Tazuna to shoulder one arm while Sasuke got the other.

The four of them left, after Naruto gave the wet towel, with Inari trailing behind leaving only Kakashi and Naruto in the kitchen.

"…Naruto?" Kakashi asked tentatively.

Naruto yawned and stretched. He gave a smile to Kakashi before smirking.

"Madao."

--

"So, today we're going to climb trees!" Kakashi said happily.

"But we already know how to climb trees!" Sakura whined.

"Don't lie Pepto." Naruto said while looking at his nails.

"What are you talking about? I can climb trees!" Sakura yelled.

"What do you call our survival training day then? You couldn't climb 3 feet before falling down on your ass."

"Liar! I got higher than 3 feet! Right Sasuke-kun?" she cooed.

"Ugh, spare me." Naruto mock retched.

"Don't be pathetic Sakura." Sasuke glared.

Sakura shrunk back and pouted.

"Are you finished," Kakashi asked looking at his students. "Good, this isn't your typical tree climbing. You three are going to be climbing the tree without the use of your hands."

Kakashi demonstrated by walking up the tree as if he was walking on the ground. He stopped underneath a tree branch and hung upside down. He looked at his students and saw two of them in awe and one of them yawning.

"Is something the matter Naruto?"

"Why didn't you just say that it was a chakra exercise? I already know how to do this exercise." Naruto said and walked up the same tree as Kakashi. When he got to his sensei, he smirked.

"Who did you learn it from?" Kakashi asked with narrowed eyes.

"Ibiki taught me." Naruto replied and sat down so his body was parallel to the ground.

"Why did he teach you?" Kakashi asked curiously.

"I might have accidentally filmed his birthday party which had lots of men and women, bondage items, condoms, and a chair that wasn't being used as chair by the end of the night."

Kakashi was flushed and his mask had stared to gain a darker color. Naruto frowned.

"Oi Madao, don't get horny on me or I'll push you off the tree, then you'll be crippled for life," Naruto went into a thoughtful pose. "That might not be a bad idea."

"Don't even think about it." Kakashi deadpanned.

"I already thought about it." Naruto said and looked down at Sasuke and Sakura. Sakura was blushing and Sasuke had a pink tinge to his cheeks.

"I can't believe that you actually filmed something like that!" Sakura yelled once she saw that Naruto was focused on them.

"It was an accident."

"Liar!"

"Why, you want to watch it?" Naruto asked with a leer.

"N-No!" Sakura yelled.

"I do, I do!" Kakashi chirped from beside him.

"We all know you do Madao." Naruto snorted and stood. He walked down the tree and started to leave. He noticed that Sasuke was glaring at him so he smiled back.

"Where are you going?" Kakashi asked.

"To walk on water." Naruto said and walked deeper into the forest.

"Alright then, you two start. I want you to mark your way up the tree with a kunai. When you reach the top of the tree, you pass. Begin!"

--

Naruto climbed out of the lake soaking wet with a fish in one hand. He lay down on his back and stared at the sky and the tree tops.

"Finally, I mastered it. Stupid fish had to go and scare the hell out of me. Ah well, at least I got my snack." He stood and frowned when his clothes and hair stuck to his body. He dropped the fish and squeezed the water from his hair. After that, he broke off a few tree branches and started a small camp fire. He skewered the fish with a sharp branch and placed it on the fire.

"Fishy, fishy, fishy…" he chanted with a smile.

5 minutes later, the fish was done and being consumed by the blond.

"You know, staring at me won't get you anywhere." Naruto said and tossed the fish bones aside while licking his fingers with a satisfied sigh.

"How long did you know that I was here?" a soft voice asked.

"Since I was training." He replied. A pretty person emerged from the bushes and sat across from him. The person had a gentle look with pale creamy skin and long chocolate brown hair. The person, Naruto realized after staring, was of the male gender. He was wearing a pink kimono with a black collar around his throat and carrying a basket full of herbs. What caught Naruto's attention was his scent. It was the same as the fake Hunter-Nin from before.

"I'm Naruto, you?"

"I am Haku. Are you a ninja?" he asked.

"It's kind of pointless to ask isn't it Hunter-Nin-san?" Naruto asked. He poked the fire and tossed in more sticks.

"So, you know."

"So I do. How is the Eyebrow-less-freak? Or should I say, Dick-less?" Naruto smirked.

"Excuse me?" Haku asked. His brown eyes widened in shock.

"Well, there must **be** a reason why he uses such a big sword. I mean, he lost his temper when I teased him about it, so it must be true."

"I assure you, he has a dick." Haku said with a blush.

"I see."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Is it small?"

"I don't know!" Haku cried.

"Fine, is it smaller than yours?"

"I don't know since we don't take baths together anymore. When I was younger, we did so naturally, his was bigger than mine." Haku said with a furious blush.

"Dude, you use senbon, which means that you have an in-depth knowledge of anatomy so why the heck are you blushing like a school boy on his first date?"

"I don't usually go around talking about people's private regions!"

"You work for Gatou right?" Naruto asked.

Haku looked slightly confused by the sudden subject change.

"Yes, we were hired by him to kill Tazuna-san." Haku said solemnly.

"Have you considered killing him and taking his money instead of killing off Madao II?" Naruto asked. Haku blinked. He assumed that "Madao II" was Tazuna-san and answered.

"That's not a bad idea." He said thoughtfully. "I'll go over it with Zabuza-sama and get back to you tomorrow morning."

"That's fine."

The clearing was silent again but with an air of friendship around the two. Haku was staring at the beautiful blond. He had short slender limbs with lightly toned muscles, lightly tanned skin, sapphire blue eyes, and long golden blond hair. It didn't help that Naruto was still wet with his clothes and hair clinging to his body.

"Is there something on my face?" Naruto asked.

Haku flushed and looked away. He was happy that he wasn't the only person who had an androgynous look. Well, maybe effeminate was more like it.

"So, what's your goal as a ninja?" Haku asked for a subject change.

Naruto raised a slender brow but answered anyways.

"Well, I want a long career of chaos and destruction as a shinobi. Then I want to find a hubby and settle down. Or whichever comes first." Naruto said.

"You're gay?" Haku asked.

"Yup, it's not that I don't appreciate females, it's just that I find them overbearing." Naruto said.

"I prefer the male gender myself," Haku said. "So, what qualities are you looking for in your future mate?"

--

It was dinner time when Naruto returned home with a promise to meet Haku the next morning. He shifted the luggage on his shoulder and opened the door. He staggered a bit when Inari tackled him for a hug.

"Naru-niisan, you're finally back! Why do you smell like fish?" Inari asked.

"That might be because I brought them on my way back." Naruto said and stepped inside the house. Inari cried with delight when he saw the stringed up fish being carried over one shoulder.

"What is going on…oh my!" Tsunami gasped when she saw the fish. Everyone else at the table just stared at him.

"Productive day?" Kakashi asked with a smile.

"Of course Hatake-sensei." Naruto said with a sweet smile. He passed the fishes to Tazuna, who came to help him, and snapped one off. He pretended to toss it to Inari only for it to smack Sakura on the face.

"Oops, my hand slipped." Naruto said while Sakura shrieked.

"Liar, you were deliberately aiming for me!"

"What are you talking about? Naru-niisan was tossing it at me you flat chest-ed girl."

"I don't have a flat chest you brat!" Sakura yelled.

"Inari, apologize this instant!" Tsunami scolded.

Inari mumbled an apology and sulked next to Naruto.

After everything was calm and dinner was ready, Sakura decided to ask Naruto a few questions.

"You know, it's been bothering me for awhile, but when we introduced ourselves, you said that you wanted to "…find a hubby and settle down." did you really mean husband?"

Everyone turned to Naruto who swallowed his food.

"Of course."

Tsunami squealed and everyone turned to her.

"Really? What are you looking for in a man?"

"Well, he has to be taller than me for one. He has to be intelligent, good-looking, passionate, and a shinobi." Naruto said dreamily.

They turned to Sasuke, who looked a bit pale but hand a pink tinge on his cheeks. Sakura looked horrified. Naruto snorted quietly.

"He has to be older than me."

Sakura and Sasuke looked relieved then they looked at Kakashi.

"I said that he has to be older than me, not that old."

Kakashi pouted at the age joke while everyone else chuckled.

"Where do you plan on looking?" Sakura asked as she tried to think of any men in Konoha.

"Umm…probably the Bingo Book." Naruto said nonchalantly.

Kakashi, Sasuke, and Tazuna choked on the food they were eating. Tsunami had a contemplative look on her face while Sakura was shifting between looking amused and horrified.

"What's the Bingo Book?" Inari asked.

"The Bingo Book is compiled of the strongest shinobi's in the world. For example, Hatake-sensei is known as the Copy-Cat and is ranked an A-class shinobi in the Bingo Book. It has his picture and a small profile about him. It also has a price on him."

"A price?" Inari asked.

"Yup, everyone in the Bingo Book has a price on his/her head."

"What about the bad ninja's?"

"They're in there too."

"Have you lost your mind?!" Kakashi asked once his airways were opened.

Tsunami interrupted.

"Actually, I don't think it's a bad idea."

"Tsunami!" Tazuna exclaimed.

"Well, think about it. The shinobi's in the Bingo Book are strong and a lot of them have the qualities that Naruto-kun specified."

"She's right." Sakura agreed. Her teammates turned to her with eyebrows raised. "What? Besides there's got to at least be **some** people who can keep up with him." Sakura said looking meaningfully at Kakashi, Sasuke, and Tazuna.

They nodded in agreement.

--

The next morning, Naruto left the house before anyone else was up and went back to the clearing where he met Haku. He saw Haku waiting and gave a two-fingered salute.

"The verdict?" he asked.

"Zabuza-sama agreed. He killed Gatou last night and took the money." Haku said.

"What about Gatou's men?"

"They are going to be at the bridge soon. We'll be there to and break the message then." Haku sighed.

"We still have a few hours before then right?"

"Yes."

"So, have you ever masturbated?" Naruto asked after awhile.

Haku groaned but blushed furiously and glared when Naruto chuckled.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: i dun own Naruto or any reference to Gintama...**

This chappie has some Naru/Haku action for those who wanted it. Oh and for those who actually read the A/N, Itachi is gonna make an appearance in the next chappie. Oh, before I forget, the Naru/Haku is not to be taken seriously. They will stay as friends only.

The Haku pairing is not decided yet. He's either going to be with Sasuke or Gaara. I'm stuck between the two but leaning towards Gaara. It all depends on how Sasuke develops in this story.

_Enjoy_

_**Niwasae Shiina

* * *

**_It was 3 in the afternoon, the sun was out, and the sky was clear. All in all it was beautiful day.

"Oi, when are they coming?" Naruto asked Zabuza.

"They'll be here soon." He grunted.

"You said that 4 hours ago Dick-less!" he yelled as Zabuza glared at him.

--

Zabuza and Haku had arrived 4 hours ago at the bridge. They explained everything and a truce formed between the two teams. Naruto had immediately migrated towards Haku, who wasn't wearing his mask, and glared at Sasuke for staring at his friend.

As time went by, Kakashi decided that should play a game until the enemies came. Everyone agreed and sat in a circle. Kakashi pulled out a deck of cards and they played Blackjack. An hour into the game, they decided to stop since they were all accusing each other of counting the cards.

--

"How about 3-6-9?" Sakura suggested to the tense atmosphere.

"How do you play?" Tazuna asked.

"It's a number game that starts from 1 to whatever number. However, you are not allowed to say 3-6-9 or any number with 3-6-9 in them; you clap instead. When you get to 33, 36, 39 or any of those combos, you have to clap twice. How 'bout it?" she asked.

"Not a bad idea Pepto." Naruto nodded and the rest agreed.

"What happens if you mess up?" Haku asked.

Everyone was thinking when a light bulb went off over Naruto's head.

"You strip." He said with an evil smile.

"If you haven't noticed, there are two girls here!" Sakura growled with a blush.

"Haku is a boy." Naruto deadpanned.

Everyone but Naruto and Zabuza turned to Haku with disbelieving looks.

"How do you know?" Sakura demanded.

"His chest is flatter than yours, and that's saying something." Naruto muttered the last part. He patted Haku's chest to show them that he was, in fact, a boy. Haku just sighed and gave a strained smile. Unfortunately, he was already getting used to Naruto's strange quirks.

Sakura was sputtering while Sasuke stared hard at Haku. Kakashi and Tazuna just blinked before looking at Naruto then back to Haku. They sighed and decided to accept it as a fact of life. If Naruto could look like a chick but actually be a guy, then why shouldn't there be other people who are like that?

"Do you need more proof?" Naruto asked with a smirk and a leer. He started trailing his hand down Haku's chest and towards his groin.

Haku was as stiff as a board as his face heated up. Sakura was gaping while Sasuke had his eyes fixed on Naruto's hand. Zabuza, Kakashi, and Tazuna decided to ignore the young teens in favor of a drinking contest a little further away from them.

"N-Naruto!" Haku gasped and squirmed. Naruto chuckled and ghosted his hand over Haku's crotch before trailing a finger down the growing bulge. Haku moaned and covered his mouth with both hands, eyes wide.

Naruto peered at his teammates from the corner of his eye and smirked. Sasuke was staring intently at Haku while Sakura was blushing, drooling, and bleeding from the nose. He turned his half-lidded gaze on Haku and bent to whisper in his ear.

"Does it turn you on knowing that we have an audience?" Naruto murmured. Haku fell to his back and Naruto followed so that he was lying sideways by the moaning and flushed boy.

"Can you feel their eyes on you? Undressing you? " Naruto asked out loud while staring at his teammates. He pressed his palm down on Haku's groin and had him arching into his hand.

"Your body is so sensitive right now. Do you feel your nipples rubbing against the material of your shirt? How about your dick? Can you feel your pants straining against your erect penis?" Naruto asked the panting boy. Haku had one hand clawing the ground while the other was grasping Naruto's shirt. There were tears of frustration and pleasure in his eyes as he looked at the blond.

"P-please…" Haku begged.

"What do you want? Tell me Haku." Naruto said in a husky voice.

"M-more…please!" he gasped.

Naruto stared down at his friend and smirked. Haku's eyes were glazed and dark. He could tell that Haku wasn't seeing at him but someone else. He leaned down and whispered again.

"Who do you see Haku? You're so far away right now." Naruto slowly started to stroke Haku. Haku whimpered and tried to shift his hips so that Naruto would go faster.

"Ah-ah-ah, not yet. Tell me who you see Haku, then I'll give you what you want." Haku glanced to the side where Sasuke and Sakura were sitting and connected his lustful gaze with Sasuke's. Those ebony eyes stared back with such an intensity that made him shiver and moan. He could hear Naruto chuckle and say something, but he couldn't make it out. His focus was entirely on those deep eyes. Suddenly, he could feel Naruto draw away from him. He was about to cry out but was lifted off the ground and into someone's arms. He looked up and saw Sasuke staring down at him and walking off, with him, to somewhere more private.

Later, he would question whether or not he actually saw Sakura knocked out at Naruto's feet with the blond waving them off with a handkerchief, like a mother giving her daughter away to her husband.

--

"My baby is going to be a man!" Naruto sniffled into the square piece of cloth. He looked at the body down at his feet and smirked evilly. He pulled out a permanent marker and wrote "I KILL MONKEYS" across her face.

"Naruto?" he heard Kakashi call.

"What is it Madao?" Naruto absently asked while decorating Sakura's face with different colored permanent markers.

"What are you doing, and where are Sasuke and Haku?"

"I'm not doing anything."

"Liar, I see your hand moving over her face. And you still didn't answer my other question." Kakashi stated and walked over to the blond with Tazuna and Zabuza following him.

Naruto looked up at the three men before focusing on Kakashi.

"Did you really? Did you really see my have moving over her face or was it something you thought up? Are your insecurities making you think up naughty stuff about me? I already told you that I'm not interested in you so stop trying. It's disturbing."

"What's disturbing is the stuff you're making up! I can clearly see the evidence of your work on her face." Kakashi said with a ticking brow.

"What are you talking about? It's her make-up."

"Since when did make-up look like marker drawings?! And there is no way in **hell **that she would write "I KILL MONKEYS" across her own face!" Kakashi yelled.

"You never know." Naruto said while rolling his eyes.

"No, it's a fact that I **do** know!"

Naruto looked at him strangely.

"What?" Kakashi asked warily.

"No, it's nothing." Naruto turned away with a flat look on his face. Zabuza and Tazuna were coming off at the seams with laughter.

"Tell me." Kakashi demanded.

"I know that I called you a (ma)tomo ni (da)karetakunai (o)toko: a man no one wants to date, but I didn't think that you'd stoop this low." Naruto said with a sigh.

"What are you talking about?"

"Just because you can't get a date doesn't mean that you should stalk your student who, by the way, is **way** younger than you." Naruto with a pitying look aimed at Sakura.

The bridge was silent while everyone stared at Kakashi who was staring at his blond student

"I'm not staking Sakura. I would **never** stalk Sakura. And for the last Kami damned time, I'M NOT 50!"

"No one said you were 50 stupid. Besides, how do you explain the fact that **you** know for a fact that she didn't do this herself?!"

"Because I **saw **you doing it you brat! I even have two eye witnesses!" he said pointing at Tazuna and Zabuza.

"Alright, fine. You have me there. But how do you know whether or not she does **do** this by herself?" Naruto demanded.

'Because no one in their right mind would!' was the collective thought of the other three.

"You know what, forget it. I don't have the energy to argue with you anymore." Kakashi said with a frustrated groan and sat down on the floor.

Tazuna offered Kakashi another shot of his sake, which he took gratefully. Zabuza looked amused as he stared at the blond before clearing his throat.

"Not that I don't find this amusing, but where is Haku?" he asked. Kakashi seemed to perk up at the question and looked at Naruto.

"You didn't tell me where Sasuke was either."

Naruto sniffled and wiped a tear from the corner of his eye.

"My baby is becoming a man." he said with a smile.

"Baby?" Zabuza and Kakashi questioned.

"What are you talking about?" Tazuna asked. Naruto just gave them a look. A moment later their eyes widened.

"WHAT?!"

--

It was five minutes later when Haku and Sasuke came back. Haku was limping slightly but he was smiling brightly. Sasuke had a smirk on face while he watched Haku carefully with his eyes. There was tenderness, that neither Kakashi nor Naruto had ever seen before in Sasuke's eyes. Kakashi glanced at Naruto who was smiling the first ever genuine smile that he had ever seen since meeting the psychotic blond. He stared at the new couple before him; they were walking close enough for their hands to brush, and decided that this was a good thing. Sasuke had something else to focus on besides his revenge. He chuckled inwardly when he realized that the Uchiha clan would never be revived and that perhaps, that that was a good thing too.

Zabuza stared long and hard at his subordinate then looked at the young Uchiha. He closed his eyes and sighed.

'Where does the time go? It feels like just yesterday that I picked up the runt…speaking of yesterday, didn't I kill those guys already? All I remember is blood, screaming, and a major headache afterwards. Damn I hate the side affects of those freaking herbs.' He thought. He snapped out of his thoughts when he heard Haku calling him.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Is it okay?" Haku asked. Zabuza knew what he was talking about, his relationship with the Uchiha. Haku was just staring at him. He looked, again, at the Uchiha and then looked at the blond. Naruto was staring at the Uchiha with a blank look on his face. Zabuza had heard about the Uchiha Massacre and had an idea about the repercussions of Haku and the brat's relationship. He looked at the Uchiha specifically when he answered.

"If it makes you happy." He knew that there would be a beautiful smile on Haku's face without even looking. He took his eyes off the Uchiha and turned to Naruto. Naruto stared back and nodded.

"That aside, I think we should check Gatou's base."

"Why?" Kakashi asked.

"I'm not sure but I might've killed everyone already." Zabuza stated.

They just stared at him.

"Care to run that by me again?" Naruto asked darkly.

Zabuza gulped.

--

After checking the base and making sure of the fact that, yes, Zabuza killed everyone, they returned to the village and had a celebration. Sakura had woken up to various children writing on her with markers so she never knew what Naruto did to her. Haku and Zabuza were at one of the banquet tables and enjoying some teacher-student bonding time. Kakashi was dragged by Tazuna to another drinking contest which left Naruto and Sasuke by themselves.

"Duck-ass, walk with me." Naruto said as he leaned off the tree he was resting on. Sasuke looked up at his teammate from where he was sitting on the ground and followed the blond with a confused look. Naruto sounded serious for some reason.

They had put a reasonable amount of distance between themselves and the party before Naruto spoke.

"How serious are you about your relationship with Haku?"

"Are you serious?" Sasuke asked skeptically.

"Just answer the question."

"Why do you want to know?" Sasuke asked with narrowed eyes.

Naruto stopped walking and faced Sasuke.

"Because depending on your answer, I'm going to ask you to leave him."

"Why?"

"This afternoon was a mistake. I should've never allowed you to take him. It was a poor judgment on my part and I'm willing to take responsibility for my actions." Naruto said seriously.

"Who are you to decide whether or not that was a mistake?" Sasuke growled.

"I have every right because he's my friend. I won't have him hurt because of you. Do you **really** understand the repercussions of being with him?" Naruto asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Your current goals, your dream, are to kill your brother and revive your clan. Tell me, where does Haku fit into all this? Because the last time I checked, men can't get pregnant." Naruto glared at Sasuke.

Sasuke was silent as he thought about it. He was about to open his mouth when Naruto cut him off.

"If you suggest anything about him becoming your lover while you're married, I'll kill you where you stand. Do you actually think that I'll let you string him around like that?"

"You can't kill me Naruto." Sasuke said with a smirk.

In a movement that Sasuke didn't see, Naruto had him pinned to a tree with a hand around his neck. Sasuke grunted in pain and gasped as he tried to get breath into his lungs. He stared at Naruto and is eyes widened when he saw the blonds' eyes. They were blood read instead of sapphire blue. The pupils were slit and his eyes seemed to burn into Sasuke's soul. His already short breaths were coming in desperate gasps as Naruto's killer intent surrounded him and reminded him eerily of that day, when Itachi stood over him with his sword posed to kill.

"If you are talking about the Council protecting you because you are the last Uchiha, then you're delusional. Do you think I actually care what those morons want? You have to realize Uchiha Sasuke; your life has no meaning to me. I don't care that you're the last Uchiha still in Konoha. You are not my friend or precious person. I wouldn't give a damn if you were dying in front of me and begging for help, because you would get none from me. You are a fool to think that everyone thinks so highly of you." The two were silent and were acutely aware of their surroundings. The forest night life was buzzing and distantly, they could hear the party still in full blast.

Sasuke, though he would never admit it, was in shock about how his teammate viewed him. It was a surprise to him, who was always praised for being one of the Elite of Konoha. Naruto released Sasuke and glared at the raven, his eyes back to their normal sapphire blue gems.

"I'll say this only once," Naruto said while walking past Sasuke and back towards the party. "Unless you plan on changing your goals, leave him. Or I'll kill you."


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: i dun own Naruto or any reference to Gintama...**

And the pairing is....SASU/HAKU...and we shall be going into the humorous stff again. I don't really like all the seriousness since this is supposed to be a light humours story...it really is a bad thing when the Author becomes disappointed with his/her own story....

_Enjoy_

_**Niwasae Shiina**  
_

* * *

Naruto yawned as he opened the door to his flat. He flopped down on his couch and groaned when his body relaxed. The mission from Nami ended a month ago with Zabuza and Haku joining Konoha. Zabuza was a jounin and Haku was training to become a medic-nin.

Naruto sighed when he thought about his friend. Haku and Sasuke weren't talking to each other. Actually, it was more like, Sasuke avoiding Haku like the plague. This didn't do well for Haku's self confidence which in turn made Naruto stressed with worry. He buried his face into the seat of the soft couch when someone knocked on the door. Naruto lifted his head and called out to his visitor.

"It's Haku."

"Come in, the door is unlocked." Naruto said sitting up.

Haku came in and locked the door behind him. He stood in front of the door and played with the hem of his shirt.

"What's wrong?" Naruto asked. He had a bad feeling that conversation that was coming up.

"Why is Sasuke-san avoiding me?" Haku blurted out with a sad look on his face.

Naruto sighed, for what felt like the hundredth time and patted the seat beside him. Haku quickly sat and stared at Naruto as he tried to gather his mind. He was about to rub his neck when he remembered the headset he still had on. An idea formed in his mind. Sasuke lived quite a bit further away from his flat so there was a possibility that he still had his own headset on.

"Let me go put on some tea first." Naruto said and Haku nodded.

Naruto walked over to the kitchen and ruffled through the cabinets.

"Duck-ass, are you there?" he whispered. He pulled out the tea and went to fill the pot.

"_Hn."_ The Uchiha replied.

"Don't take off the headset and don't say anything no matter what you hear, understand?" he left the pot of water over the fire and waited.

"_What's going on?"_ Sasuke asked, sounding more alert.

"I am going to talk to Haku like **you** should've done a while back!" he whispered furiously. The water started boiling so Naruto poured out the two cups of tea and went back to Haku. He set the tea on the table and turned to Haku.

"Haku, this is a conversation that you should be having with Duck-ass, so I am not at liberty to tell you everything, alright?" Naruto said.

"I just want answers." Haku stated.

It was silent before Naruto started speaking.

"The reason why Sasuke is avoiding you is because he is thinking about your relationship with him right now."

"I don't understand, I thought he felt the same as me."

Naruto remembered the look in Sasuke's eyes whenever he looked or stared at Haku and answered.

"He does, he does like you." he said.

'Probably more than he knows.' Naruto thought.

"Then why is he avoiding me?" Haku repeated.

"Has Duck-ass ever told you what his goals were in life?"

"Sort of, but what does that have to do with anything?" Haku asked.

Naruto looked at the ground. He felt old for some reason. Sapphire blue turned to chocolate brown.

"Everything." Naruto said.

"What do you mean?"

"His goals in life have to do everything with the current situation. What do you know of his goals?" Naruto asked and leaned back against his chair.

"I know that he wants to avenge his clan. I also know that the one he wants to kill might be Uchiha Itachi, his older brother." Haku stated.

"Well, you got it all in one. But that's not his only goal," Haku was about to open his mouth but Naruto interrupted him. "I won't say anything about it unless you figure it out for yourself or Duck-ass tells you."

"I understand." Haku said somewhat dejectedly.

"Did my answers satisfy you to some extent?" Naruto asked.

"Not really." Haku chuckled.

"I thought not." Naruto sighed and chuckled.

"What?"

"If you had asked me these questions three weeks ago, I would've told you to leave him because you would've never had a chance. Now, I'm actually helping you and that bastard."

"You would've told me to leave him, why?" Haku demanded.

"That's because, three weeks ago, he would've chosen his revenge over you. You have to understand that before you, his revenge is all that he lived for. He didn't have an easy life even though he grew up arrogant with his holier-than-thou attitude. He grew up in the shadow of his prodigious aniki. His father always compared him to his brother. He would scold him for his faults but never praise him for his accomplishments. His mother loved him but loved his brother more. But the one that Duck-ass loved most was strangely Itachi. Well, maybe it isn't so strange since Itachi really doted on him. I think for Itachi, Sasuke was his only saving grace." Naruto said.

"How do you know all this?" Haku asked.

"I've seen his relationship with his family whenever they came to the school or were walking down the streets. Uchiha Fugaku, his father, would always look at Sasuke with something close to frustration and disappointment in his eyes, while he looked at Itachi with adoration and pride. It was the same with his mother. Itachi however, loved his brother. He loved him so much that he would do anything for him. Even say…massacre his clan."

Haku stared at him in shock but Naruto ignored him.

"You have to realize the pressure that was put upon Itachi as heir to the Uchiha Clan. He never had a chance for a normal childhood like Sasuke had, sort of. He was forced to grow up fast, and as a genius and a prodigy child, the pressure was worse than it would be if he was just a normal heir without any distinguishing traits. Sasuke was probably his only relief from the pressures of his family. Duck-ass adored and idolized Itachi and would believe and do anything that Itachi told him."

Naruto heard Sasuke growling through the headset and ignored him. Haku was staring at Naruto with a curious look on his face.

"You don't believe that he massacred the clan." Haku stated.

"Oh, I believe that he did it," Naruto snorted.

"Then what…"

"Not for the reasons that he told Duck-ass though."

"And how would you know what he told me Naruto?" a voice asked from the open window. Haku jumped a bit while Naruto sipped his tea. He had smelled Sasuke coming when the conversation started to change and focus on the Massacre.

"Come in and take a seat Duck-ass." Naruto smirked without looking at the window behind him.

Sasuke jumped in and took a seat across Naruto and Haku. He looked at Naruto with narrowed eyes.

"Well?"

"Hold on a minute," Naruto said and stood. He closed and locked all the windows and pulled the blinds on them before sitting back down. "I don't have to tell you that this is classified right? Good. You know that the Sandaime and I are pretty close right?"

Sasuke nodded.

"Well, it just so happens that he, unknowingly or not, told me where the classified information on Konoha's shinobi were…including Nuke-Nin's." Haku and Sasuke were staring at Naruto with wide eyes.

"It just so happened that your aniki's file was the first one I saw. What I managed to read only confirmed what I, and many others, thought. Your aniki did kill the clan, not because he wanted to test his strength, but because he was ordered to. What you saw at your home that day was a genjutsu that was amplified when you stared into the Mangekyo. In reality, there was no one at your home. The entire Uchiha clan were arrested in secret and taken in for interrogation while you were at school."

"But how can they take in the Clan all at once?" Haku asked.

"They didn't. It was done gradually. Uchiha Fugaku and the rest of the Uchiha clan were under suspicion even before Duck-ass here was born. They were all executed by Itachi when they were found guilty."

"What were they guilty of?" Sasuke asked in a tight voice.

"Treason, murder, endangering Konoha by allying themselves with Orochimaru; take your pick." Naruto rolled his eyes.

Sasuke was giving him a death glare while Haku was sweatdropping at Naruto's nonchalance.

"Oh, there was also one that had to do with a ritual for summoning a Yokai with you as the living sacrifice. I believe it was that particular piece of information that made Itachi go psycho on your father." Naruto said and stood. He yawned and stretched before walking towards the hall.

"Where are you going?" Haku asked. Sasuke was still in shock.

"I'm going to take a nap. You and Duck-ass still have to talk right? As long as you don't have sex on any surface of my flat, I don't care what you do. Cum stains is a bitch to clean from the carpet." Naruto said and left the duo.

--

When Naruto's door shut with a click, Haku turned to Sasuke.

"You've been thorough a lot today. We can save this conversation for another time if you want." Haku said gently. He was about to touch Sasuke but pulled back with a sad smile. Sasuke had been avoiding him and shrugging off his touch for the past month and he was beginning to doubt Sasuke's feelings for him, no matter what Naruto said earlier.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't see Sasuke staring at him affectionately with a hint of guilt in his eyes. Haku was pleasantly surprised when he felt Sasuke pull him into his arms in an embrace. Haku put his arms around Sasuke and leaned his head against Sasuke's shoulder.

"I'm sorry for avoiding you and staying silent about all this." Sasuke murmured into his hair.

"It's alright." Haku said.

"No it isn't," Sasuke retorted and hugged Haku tightly to him. "It isn't. Before coming back to Konoha, Naruto and I had a conversation that questioned my ambition. Haku, my goals in life were to kill my brother and revive my clan."

Haku stiffened in Sasuke's arms but Sasuke didn't let go.

"After meeting you and talking to Naruto, I started to question my goals. This will sound corny and no matter how much I love you, I will never forgive you if you tell this to that blond devil; but you are the light of my life and I will never give you up. Even if it means that the Uchiha clan will end with me, I will not lose you. I can't." Sasuke said.

Haku's eyes were wide as he processed what Sasuke said.

"Y-you love me?" he squeaked, face red.

"Yes." Sasuke muttered while eyeing Naruto's door warily.

"I love you too." Haku said with a smile and gave Sasuke a heart stopping kiss. They were about to go further when they heard a loud BAM!

Haku jumped in shock while Sasuke groaned silently. Naruto was standing there with a twitchy smile on his face.

"I'm so happy to see that everything here is resolved. Now get your filthy paw off of him Uchiha! If you're going to do this, you're going to do it properly, starting with a date. If I hear from Zabuza that my baby isn't home by sundown, I'll kill you." Naruto stated with a knife pointing threateningly at Sasuke.

Sasuke looked glared and looked at the clock.

"Sundown is in 2 hours Naruto. We aren't going to have enough time to do anything." he growled.

"Are you stupid? No, don't answer that. There are many things that you can do within those two hours like dinner or a movie for instance," Naruto narrowed his eyes on Sasuke. "I won't have him dating an idiot who can't even utilize the time he has for something important. Oh and by the way, that 1 hour 55 minutes and 40 seconds left on the clock."

Sasuke and Haku were already gone before Naruto could finish speaking. He chuckled into the silence and pulled off the headset from around his neck.

"If you didn't want me to hear stupid, you should've turned your headset off." he muttered to himself as he cleaned up the cups and reopened the windows and the blinds.

--

The sun was shining and the birds were chirping through the open window by the bed. An outline of a person could be seen under the blankets as they stretched before sighing.

KNOCK KNOCK

"Ugh, what time is it?" Naruto moaned as he moved the blanket from his head and stared at the clock. Red numbers blinked back at him, 10:15 a.m.

KNOCK KNOCK

"I'm coming you bastard." Naruto muttered as he slipped out of bed. All he was wearing was a pair of blue boxer shorts that hugged his ass like a second skin. He pulled on his pants and went to the bathroom to wash up quickly, thanking whatever god out there that he remembered to take his shower the night before. He was pulling on his shirt when he heard the knocking again. He walked into the clean living room and stood in front of the door.

"Who is it?" he called. He started writing seals down on a piece of paper that was by the door. After he was done, he started to stick the seals on the, now closed, windows of his home to keep the intruder out. He repeated his question only to get a muffled answer.

"What?"

"It's Kakashi." A voice that was slightly higher than Kakashi's answered. Naruto breathed in deeply and recognized the scent.

"Eh, Madao?" Naruto asked with narrow eyes. 'What is Iruka-sensei playing at?'

"Yeah, Madao, now open the door." the voice replied impatiently.

"I can't." Naruto said with a smirk.

"What do you mean you can't?"

"Exactly how it sounds like Madao."

"Well why can't you?" demanded the voice.

"You haven't said the password yet."

"The password?!"

"What are you, a freaking parrot? Yes, the password."

"Is it ramen?"

"No." Naruto stated.

"Well, I give up. Will you tell me?" the voice demanded.

"You've only guessed once." Naruto retorted.

"I've been here, knocking for the past hour. Forgive my impatience, now give me the password and open the door!"

"Fine, say the password."

"Didn't I just tell you to give me the password?!"

"I did you retard! Say the password!"

"I don't know the password!"

"I'm telling it to you stupid! Say The Password!"

"Uzumaki Naruto, open this door now!"

"Just say the password!"

"What password?!"

"Ugh, forget it." Naruto groaned and opened the door to a harassed looking shinobi form Kumo.

"What is this, shinobi cosplay Iruka-sensei?" Naruto deadpanned.

"Sure, why not. Now can you please get me two headache relief pills?" Iruka asked and took off his mask and fake hitai-ate. He stepped into Naruto's home and sat on the couch.

Naruto handed him the pills and stood back.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Kakashi-sensei recommended your team for the chunin exams but I wasn't sure if you guys were truly ready so I came to test you. Have I ever told you how great you would be in the ANBU Interrogation Corps?"

"No you haven't, but thanks. I don't think Scar Face would want me there though." Naruto muttered the last part.

"What was that?" Iruka asked.

"Nothing."

They enjoyed the silence before Iruka stood to leave.

"Oh, what was the password anyways?" Iruka asked.

Naruto stared at him and shook his head.

"The password was, say the password."

"Say the password?" Iruka asked with a twitch.

Naruto just nodded and closed the door on his departing teacher.

--

"So, the Kyuubi vessel is here?" a tall blue skinned man/fish asked.

"Hn." Garnet eyes peered from under ebony bangs under a bamboo hat.

'Konoha…I'm back otouto.' The man thought and signaled to his partner. Both disappeared from beneath the cover of the tree and into the village of Konohagakure.

--

Naruto stared at the purple cat-person-thingy and tilted his head to the side.

"What is that?" he asked Sakura while pointing at the cat-person-thingy.

"Who are you calling a "that" blondie?!" the cat-thingy yelled.

"Whoa, it speaks! The cat-thingy speaks!"

"I'm a human and my name is Kankuro, not cat-thingy!" Kankuro growled.

"Well, someone has some issues. Wait, isn't Kankuro a guy's name? Why are you wearing make-up he-she?" Naruto asked.

Sakura groaned and wished for the ground to open up and swallow her. Konohamaru, who was in Kankuro's grasp, was laughing his head off.

"I'LL KILL YOU!" Kankuro yelled while sending out some chakra strings to his doll. He was stopped when the sand beneath his feet began to shift.

"Stop Kankuro; you're a disgrace to our village." A redhead growled, as he jumped off the tree he was watching from.

"G-Gaara, I'm sorry. I let my temper get the better of me." Kankuro apologized while his face turned pale. The girl next to Kankuro looked frightened as well.

"What are you doing in our village?" Sasuke asked from behind Sakura.

"You're late Duck-ass. They're here for the chunin exams. Isn't that right Panda-chan?" Naruto asked while facing Gaara.

Kankuro and the girl were gaping while Gaara stared at the blond.

'He's insane, he's psycho!' Kankuro and the girl thought.

"What is your name?" Gaara asked looking around at the Konoha shinobi. Naruto pointed to himself and Gaara nodded.

"My name is Uzumaki Naruto, Panda-chan." Naruto cooed.

"Kaa-san says to stay away from you." Gaara said bluntly.

"EEH?! Nande(why)?!" Naruto yelled.

"I'll become sick."

"Shukaku you fat ass of a Tanuki! Stop spreading lies about me you fucking raccoon reject! By the way, aren't you a male? Has being contained in such a confined space confused your gender?! I'll make you a real girl! Oi, are you listening to me you stupid Tanuki?!"

_**Kaa-san?**_ Gaara asked the demon inside him.

**Leave. Just leave. **Shukaku said in a depressed kind of voice. Gaara left in a swirl of sand and an echo of "PANDA-CHAAAN" ringing in his ears.

When they were back at the hotel, Gaara confined himself to his room and contemplated his silent mother.

_**Kaa-san, are you really a guy?**_

…

--

"Oi Itachi, did you hear something?" the blue man/fish asked while chewing on a dango stick.

"Hn." Itachi replied and nibbled on his Pocky. If there was one thing that he missed from Konoha, it was the chocolate biscuit that he now held in his hands. Pocky was the food of the Gods no matter **what** other people said, especially his mother. Ugh, thank Kami, she was dead. Complaints like:

"_Pocky is not healthy Itachi."_

"_Broccoli is good for you Itachi."_

"_You shouldn't be eating Pocky for lunch Itachi!"_

"_You really should try broccoli Itachi!"_

"_Pocky is not a separate food group Itachi."_

"_Why don't you have a broccoli instead Itachi?"_

"_Itachi! Itachi? Itachi."_

Itachi grew a tic on his left brow that had Kisame, the blue man/fish now merman, scooting away from the dangerous man.

'Who the hell gives a damn about broccoli anyways? Why the hell was it always broccoli?' he fumed while munching on his Pocky furiously. 'I should've shoved Pocky down her throat before she died!'

"Dude, are you okay?" Kisame asked.

"Hn."


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: i dun own Naruto or any reference to Gintama and that stolen line from Hetalia-Axis Powers...I LOVE YOU IVAN!!!!**

Another chapter to tide you guys over! To tell the truth, this chapter was not the one I was looking forward to writing but the next. Maa, it's not like I could've skipped this chapter either. So for those who are unsatisfied with this chapter, sorry!

_Enjoy_

_**Niwasae Shiina

* * *

**_"So, this is the place huh?" Sakura said looking up at the building.

It was the day of the chunin exams and Team 7 paused to stare at the building that would either move them on in life or be stuck with each other for another 6 months.

"If I fail this exam, I will kill you both." Naruto said with a sweet smile.

"That should be my line Naruto." Sasuke retorted. Naruto glared at him.

Sakura just sighed and muttered something about "boys…" and walked into the building first. Naruto and Sasuke followed in more slowly.

"You are walking a thin line Duck-ass! I've heard from various jounin that you were getting a little to touchy with my baby on your date yesterday!" Naruto growled.

"Yesterday was our 7th date and it's not like we've done worse." Sasuke said with a roll of his eyes.

Naruto sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"I guess not, but how would you feel if you had a younger brother that **I** was dating?" Naruto asked with his arms crossed.

"I'd forbid it and murder you." Sasuke said with a swift glare.

"Exactly, now you know how I feel whenever you take Haku out on a date. I feel like I'm giving a part of me away." Naruto sighed. Sasuke looked at him questioningly.

"That time in wave doesn't really count. I wasn't as close to him as I am right now."

Sasuke gave a grunt and a nod. They handed in their forms with, the waiting, Sakura and went to stand with the other genin teams.

"Did Haku tell you that he was going to be part of the medical staff that's for the chunin exams?" Naruto asked.

Sasuke nodded. Naruto sighed and resigned himself to the fact that Sasuke would **most likely** be part of his family if things continue the way they are. Speaking of family, this brought Naruto to think about Uchiha Itachi and he chuckled slightly. Sasuke turned to him with a brow raised.

"I hope you realize that your brother is in the Bingo Book." Naruto said and led the way to the stairs. Sasuke was staring after Naruto with widened eyes that showed shock and denial.

"Where are you going Naruto?" Sakura asked.

"Be quiet Pepto. There's a genjutsu planted in this room to weed out the idiots who actually think that this is the correct floor." Naruto murmured.

Sakura frowned and looked to Sasuke who grunted and followed Naruto. They reached the third floor without any other problems and saw Kakashi leaning against the exam room.

"Madao, you better hope we pass or we're gonna be stuck with each other for another 6 months."

Kakashi just smiled and looked at his students.

"That's why I'm here to wish you good luck. I'll see you in the preliminary rounds." He said.

Naruto and Sasuke narrowed their eyes.

"What preliminary rounds?" Naruto asked.

Kakashi stared at his students as they stared back. It was silent for a minute before Kakashi rubbed the back of his head with a smile.

"Ah, would you look at the time!" Kakashi exclaimed and Shunshin-ed out before Naruto or Sasuke could ask more questions.

"That shitty Madao!" Naruto yelled.

They walked inside the exam room and were met by various glares. Naruto, already irritated, focused his killer intent on the genin staring at them until they shrunk back a couple feet.

"What the fuck are you assholes staring at?" he growled. They turned away and the tension in the room got worse.

Sakura gulped from Naruto's side and went to talk quietly with Ino, who was about to jump Sasuke.

"Oi Naru, calm down." a slightly low voice drawled. Nara Shikamaru approached the blond with a sigh and tugged on the silky soft ponytail to get the glaring blonde's attention. Naruto blinked and turned to face his friend and smiled.

"Well, isn't it my dear Deer!" Naruto said happily.

"You're still using that pun?" Shikamaru asked with a sigh.

"Foxy!" a loud voice yelled. Inuzuka Kiba forced his way through the group of genin, with his team, to get to Naruto.

"Puppy." Naruto replied. Kiba growled.

"I'm not a puppy!"

"Really Akamaru, I see your pet is still as loud as he was when we were in the academy. As Master in your relationship, you should take charge and punis-ahem-teach him the rules." Naruto said, ignoring the blushing Kiba. Akamaru gave a bark which had Kiba glaring at his aibou(partner).

"That is wrong on so many levels Naru." Shikamaru said and sighed. Shino nodded in agreement while Hinata blushed at the implication and stared from Kiba to Akamaru with a considering look.

"It's nice to see such a lively bunch out of you genin." An unknown shinobi approached them.

"Who are you?" Kiba asked.

"My name is Yakushi Kabuto."

Naruto narrowed his eyes.

--

Naruto looked around the room to see where he should sit and smirked when he saw an open seat next to Kabuto. His smirk widened into a huge smile as he realized that his seat was right in front of Gaara's. He sat down next to the glasses wearing boy and ignored the stares he was getting from his friends.

"We haven't been introduced properly. My name is Uzumaki Naruto." Naruto said holding out his hand.

"Yakushi Kabuto." Kabuto replied and shook Naruto's hand. He stared at the blond a little longer then necessary then looked down at his exam paper. Naruto turned in his seat and beamed at the adorable redhead.

"Panda-chaaan!" he cooed.

Gaara seemed to shrink in his chair as he tried to slide down as much as possible while still being visible enough to write the answers down on his paper. Which, to tell the truth, wasn't all that much.

**Of all the seats that psycho could choose, why there?!** Shukaku moaned.

"Alright you brats, you have exactly 1 hour to answer all 9 questions. The 10th question will be asked after the time is up. If I or any of the proctors in the room catches you trying to trying to cheat, you will automatically get disqualified along with your team. BEGIN!"

'So, cheat without being caught huh? Che, he can't fail me anyways, he knows what'll happen to him if he does.' Naruto thought evilly as he eyed Ibiki.

--

The Tokubetsu jounin, who was looking around the room, came in contact with a pair of sapphire blues and cringed inwardly. The brat was smiling in that foxy manner that only spelled trouble.

'Kami, why did I listen to Anko about throwing a birthday orgy?' Ibiki asked himself. His inner child sat in a corner with his knees to his chest while a cloud of depression hanged over his head.

--

Naruto looked down at his paper and doodled. He knew that Gaara was using a high class jutsu by the bloodlust coming off from him. He also felt something staring at him, but when he glanced around the room, he didn't see anybody. He saw Kabuto glancing at him from the corner of his eye and looked down at Naruto's paper before blanching.

There in bold letters were the words: **"I LOVE KABUTO**(beetle…supposed to be Kabuto-mushi which is a rhinoceros beetle.)** HUNTING"** and **"I LOVE to KILL Kabuto's" **Kabuto scooted towards the side and didn't look at Naruto for the rest of the exam.

Naruto smirked and shifted his paper towards his right where he knew that Gaara could see his paper. He wrote Haku's name then wrote Gaara's name under Haku's and his own name under Gaara's and circled it with a heart with a bunch of other hears surrounding that. He could've sworn he heard something like a whimper coming from Gaara's direction. It sounded suspiciously like Shukaku, but he ignored it since it was impossible. Shukaku was trapped in Gaara after all.

'So does that mean that Gaara made that noise? Nah, he couldn't have.' Naruto thought with a happy smile and proceeded to shade in some of the hearts. Temari, Gaara's sister, who was sitting next to Gaara, saw the paper and tried to kill the snicker that was threatening to come out when she saw Gaara twitch and his eyes widen slightly.

'I was right, the kid is psycho.' She thought when she glanced, again, at Naruto's paper.

--

Naruto was drawing a chibi-Gaara in a panda suit when Ibiki called for time. When he looked around, he saw that many genin teams were already disqualified, but there were still too many.

"Alright you brats, the 10th question is going to be different with its own set of rules. Before I ask the question, however, you have the option to either leave now and take the chunin exams again in 6 months, or answer the question. But, if you get it wrong you will be stuck as genin for the rest of your life." Ibiki said with a smirk.

The entire room was full of noise as the genin made their complaints loud and clear. Ibiki slammed his hand down on the front desk to silence them.

"Those are your only options. If I hear another word from anyone that is not leaving the room, I will disqualify you." Ibiki said with a threatening growl.

Many more teams left within the next 15 minutes.

--

The room was filled with tension and Sakura sweated in her seat. She wanted to leave and take the exam next time. The only reason she was here right now was because Sasuke and Naruto wanted to take the exams. If she had said no, then Naruto would've looked down on her more than he already was and Sasuke would never forgive her. She was about to raise stand when she felt her heart stop. Her face turned pale and her hands started shaking. Her heart was beating fast not unlike a frightened rabbit. There was something dangerous in the room and it just targeted her as prey. She looked around and froze when she saw Naruto staring at her. She couldn't tell from where she sat, across the room, but she could swear that Naruto's pupils were slit and his eyes, for an instant, flashed a scarlet red. She saw his lips moved and thanked Kami that the academy taught the students to lip-read.

"_Don't move._"

She nodded and breathed a sigh of relief when he turned away from her. Chills swept down her spine when she saw Naruto smile his trademark fox-like smile.

--

Ibiki looked at the genin who still stayed and smirked inwardly. Enough teams were gone so they could move immediately into the Preliminary exams. He waited another 5 minutes, and when no one else left, he smirked.

"For those who stayed," Ibiki started. Everyone held their breath except for Naruto who was smiling like no tomorrow. "Congratulations. You pass." he finished.

The room was silent before the leftover teams yelled,

"WHAT?!"

--

Naruto ignored the lecture Ibiki was giving on spying and torture and concentrated on decorating his paper when he heard Kabuto calling his name. He looked at the boy who pointed to the front. Ibiki was staring at him and waiting for an answer to his question.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Everyone will become one with Russia."

Ibiki twitched while everyone in the room stared at the blond and face-faulted.

'What the FUCK?!' was the collective thought.

--

When Anko appeared in her usual dramatic fashion, it was to a silent room and the shocked faces of little dev-children…children. They weren't paying attention to her but to a familiar blond who was making cooing noises at a homicidal looking redhead.

"Foxy." She purred aloud.

Ibiki, after he got himself untangled from Anko's banner, stared at her as well as everyone else in the room. Naruto was the last to turn and when he did, there was a flat look on his face as he sighed and snorted before turning away.

"Man-beast," He replied. "Isn't the restraining order still active?"

'Restraining order?!'

Anko smirked.

"They made an exception for the chunin exams Foxy." She stalked over towards him with a hungry look. A lot of guys got nosebleeds as they stared at her large chest that was only covered in a fishnet shirt.

Naruto turned to Ibiki and spoke.

"March 20th of this year. Chair. Whip. Bon-" Naruto stopped when a pale Ibiki pulled Anko back to the front and away from Naruto.

"Anyways, Anko will be taking you to the next exam location so please follow her in an orderly fashion." Ibiki said in a rush and pushed the purple haired woman out the door.

When everyone left, Naruto clinging onto a reluctant Gaara like a leech, Ibiki breathed a sigh of relief. He went directly to Naruto's desk and twitched when he saw the doodles. He picked up the paper and was about to tear it into pieces when he saw a note written on the corner in small letters.

"_If you don't deal with the hebi-beetle, then I will._" Ibiki could almost hear the sing-song voice in his head and furrowed his brows. He examined the doodles and saw a picture of Subaku in a panda suit, three names in a heart, the Uchiha heir drowning in what seemed like depression as one of the two new residents in Konoha, younger one, walked away with someone else, the Uchiha heir committing suicide, the Uchiha heir being eaten by a panda, the Uchiha heir being mauled by a panda, a Pepto-Bismol bottle, Haruno Sakura wearing a Pepto-Bismol costume, quotations in bold saying something about Kabuto's…wait, Kabuto, Kabuto, Kabuto-mushi…beetle. But what does that have to do with a snake? The only snake users he could think of was Anko and Orochimaru.

Ibiki's eyes widened. He would have to speak to the Hokage about this if what Naruto wrote was right.

--

"The genin are moving directly into the Preliminary battle." Kisame stated as he dispelled his henge and sat in the hotel room chair.

"How many candidates?" Itachi asked as he continued writing his report. There was a Pocky stick hanging between his lips. Kisame sweatdropped and tried to ignore the looming boxes of Pocky that were stacked against the wall to the right of him.

"21 candidates; the battles will be starting soon. I took a look inside the building and saw the Kyuubi brat and the Jinchuuriki from Suna," Kisame paused to yawn and continued. "Orochimaru is here too and participating as one of the candidates in henge. He's wearing a Kusa(grass) hitai-ate."

Itachi paused in his writing and stared at the beautifully written letters.

'Orochimaru, he must be here for Sasuke's Sharingan.' He thought.

"Were any shinobi from Otogakure there?" Itachi asked.

"Only one team; it's strange since the Otokage of Oto is Orochimaru, yet he only sends one team…" Kisame trailed off.

"Hn, anything else?" Itachi asked and continued to write.

"Sasori's brat is here as well. The one he sent to spy on Orochimaru."

"Yakushi Kabuto?" Itachi asked and Kisame nodded. Itachi finished the stick in his mouth and pulled out another.

"You know, eating all that Pocky isn't going to do you any good. Want some sushi instead? How about some vegetables? Broccoli is nice." Kisame said, worried and slightly freaked out for his partner's health. He scooted back as far as he could, however, when he felt Itachi's bloodlust fill the room.

A loud scream/shriek echoed throughout the hotel near Konoha's main entrance. The noise could be heard all the way to the Hokage tower.

--

Naruto's ear twitched as he leaned on the railing. He looked towards the exit and turned to his team.

"Did you hear that?"

"Hmm?" Kakashi hummed and didn't tear his eye from his precious book.

Sakura and Sasuke shook their heads and just stared at Naruto.

"Never mind." Naruto grumbled and went back to staring at Gaara.

Gaara, who noticed the stare, stood slightly behind his siblings and refused to look at the blond.

_**Kaa-san…I'm scared.**_

**Me too gaki, me too.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: i dun own Naruto or any reference to Gintama...**

Another update, ugh...I shouldn't have eaten that sandwich mom gave me...s-she's not trying to kill me right? She still loves me right?! RIGHT?!!!

_Enjoy_

_**Niwasae Shiina

* * *

**_"Since there are an odd number of people, the last battle will be the candidate who has not gone yet versus one of the candidates who won." The Sandaime Hokage stated after finishing his speech. He sat back down on his seat and let a sickly man take the center stage.

"My name is Gekko Hayate. I will be your judge for this part of the exams. The matches are decided by random so don't be surprised if you end up going against one of your teammates. The screen behind me will show the two that will be fighting against each other. Now, let's begin. The first match will be," the sickly man coughed. "Uchiha Sasuke VS Hyuuga Neji."

Sasuke and Neji both descended the balcony and stared at each other.

"Today will be the day that Fate will finally show that the Byakugan is superior to the Sharingan." Neji stated arrogantly.

"We shall see about that." Sasuke retorted with a glare.

Naruto was staring down at the two with narrowed eyes before smirking.

"Oi Duck-ass, I hope you know that winning this will get my full approval of you dating my kawaii Haku-chan. Do you know what that means? It means that I won't harp on you anymore about your dates." Naruto stated.

Sasuke stared at him with a searching look.

"Seriously, you promise?" Sasuke demanded.

"I promise. You should also know that I **never** go back on my promises because that is my Nindo," Naruto said with a smile and turned to Neji. "So Hyuuga-kun, you **better **win otherwise, I'll kill you…and that's a promise."

Naruto's smile turned creepy as everyone in the stadium sweatdropped and gapped at the blond. Sakura and Ino fainted when they heard that their beloved Sasuke-sama was dating another person.

"What the fuck, Naruto!" Sasuke yelled.

"Urusai Duck-ass! Do you actually think that I completely accept the fact that **you** are dating **my** baby? Get a reality check asshole, I don't. The only reason why I haven't spied on you yet is because Haku-chan asked me not too, you bastard!" Naruto yelled while pointing at Sasuke.

"Calm down Naruto." Kakashi said soothingly.

"Shut up Madao, I'm going to a mid-life crisis right now! I'm too young to be going through a mid-life crisis! **You **should be going through a midlife crisis," Naruto wailed as he clutched his head. Then he stopped as he had a sudden epiphany. "Actually, you're **way** past the age of having a mid-life crisis, so it should be more like an end-life crisis."

Kakashi twitched and chanted a mantra in his head.

'Do not kill your blond student. Do **not** kill your blond student. Do **not **kill your **psychotic** blond student!!!'

Suddenly Naruto disappeared and reappeared by Gaara's side. Gaara's eyes grew wide as he took a step back. Naruto, however, hugged the redhead to him and sobbed on his shoulder.

"You wouldn't do this to me right Panda-chan? You wouldn't date an idiot like Duck-ass right? RIGHT?!" Naruto asked while shaking Gaara back and forth with his hands on Gaara's upper arms. Everyone was at least three feet away from the two.

**D-Don't do anything. Don't s-say anything. Just be still like a s-statue and maybe the p-psycho will go away. **Shukaku stuttered in a high pitched voice.

Everything went still as Naruto suddenly stopped. His bangs created shadows over his eyes as his lips curled up into his infamous fox-like smile.

"It's okay Panda-chan I'll buy you a Chastity Belt. That way, you'll stay a virgin and single, FOREVER."

Gaara heard the word echo through his mind and for some reason, he felt like crying.

--

Hayate coughed and got everyone's attention.

"Begin." He said and coughed before moving out of the dueling field. Sasuke and Neji got into their stances and tried to look for any openings. Neji made a slight movement, which caused Sasuke to attack. Both were going all out it seemed as they revealed their Kekkei Genkai and fought with everything in their arsenal.

It was 15 minutes later when Neji made a mistake which caused him to trip. Sasuke used this advantage and trapped Neji's arms before putting a kunai to his neck.

"You lose." Sasuke stated.

"Winner: Uchiha Sasuke." Hayate confirmed and Sasuke let Neji go. They both slumped to the ground and watched as the medic-nin's come out to check up on them. Sasuke saw Haku headed towards him and he smiled. Neji was staring at the long haired brunet and looked towards the balcony where he saw Naruto with a resigned yet wry smile on his face. He looked back to the couple and saw them talking softly to each other.

Suddenly, Sasuke was pushed aside as Naruto hugged Haku.

"Are you alright? You're not hurt are you?" Naruto asked.

"I'm fine Naruto." Haku stated with a sweet smile and a hug back for the blond.

"But he had his filthy paws all over you!" Naruto pouted.

Haku just chuckled while Sasuke groaned from his position on the ground. He was on his back with his head to the side, staring at Naruto and Haku.

'Damn, my body's sore. Hyuuga Neji ka?' Sasuke thought.

"Naruto, what are you doing?" Kakashi asked from the balcony.

"I'm making sure Haku doesn't have any injuries." Naruto muttered as he looked Haku over from where he was tending Sasuke.

"Why would he have any injuries when he didn't even fight?" Sasuke groaned.

"Shut up Duck-ass and just be happy that you **barely** gained my approval you stupid bastard. Maybe I should demote you back to retard level. Kami of all the people, why him Haku?" Naruto asked the brunet.

"Because I love him." Haku stated with a smile.

"Really?"

"Un."

"…fine." Naruto pouted with a sigh.

"Please clear the field for the next match." Hayate coughed. Naruto, Sasuke, and Neji moved back to the balcony while Haku left with the other medic-nins.

--

"This match ends in a Draw. Both participants will not be moving onto the finals." Hayate called from the field where Ino and Sakura knocked each other out. They were both escorted to the hospital while the next match started.

"That was absolutely pathetic. One would think that Pepto actually picked up something from this whole genin-teamwork experience." Naruto drawled as his eyes followed his prone teammate out of the field.

"Are you really going to kill Hyuuga Neji?" Kakashi asked, changing the subject.

"I will after the preliminary exams are over, since it's his fault that Duck-ass gained my complete approval to date my baby." Naruto said as he examined his nails.

"Please don't talk so casually about killing your fellow Konoha shinobi." Kakashi pleaded slightly when he saw the other Konoha teams stare at Naruto then at him.

"Whatever. Ahh, I feel like going Kabuto hunting." Naruto sighed as he leaned his arms against the railing and propped his head up on one hand.

"Why all of a sudden?" Kakashi humored his student.

--

"Next match: Subaku no Gaara VS Yakushi Kabuto, hajime(begin)!" Hayate called and disappeared off the field.

--

Naruto's eyes were fixed on Kabuto like a predator eyeing its prey.

"It's exciting to watch as you squeeze the life out of it, eyes bulging in fear and denial of what's to come. To drag a kunai across the soft vulnerable throat and watch as life flows out in rivers of crimson," Naruto said softly with a hungry and excited look in his eyes. Sasuke was face was drawn and slightly pale while Kakashi looked disturbed at his student. Suddenly Naruto spoke up loud enough so that everyone could hear him. "Then to tear off its limbs and watch it scream in horror. Only to save the best for last; ripping out its still beating heart and tearing it to shreds. Then when it's dead, you rip off the head and burn the body, limbs, head, heart, and all."

The entire stadium was silent as they stared in horror at the blond who had a deadly look in his eyes.

"That, ladies and gentleman is how you kill a Kabuto." Naruto finished.

--

Shino stared at his blond friend and then down at the arena before something clicked. He didn't say anything when he felt the stares of his teammates and fellow Konoha shinobi who knew that his Clan had a pact with bugs. Shino ignored Naruto's speech since he knew how the blond Kitsune would get sometimes. He knew that Naruto would never hurt him since he was fiercely protective of his friends.

He also knew that what Naruto was talking about, wasn't a beetle.

--

Down below, Kabuto was shaking in his shoes due to the amount of bloodlust being aimed at him from his opponent and Uzumaki Naruto.

He glanced up at the balconies to see Orochimaru staring at Naruto in a contemplative manner. Kabuto could tell that he was thinking of an alliance with the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki. That, above anything else, frightened him.

--

**Do it. Do as the psycho says! Tear him apart! Rip his heart out! I WANT HIS BLOOD!!!! Give me his bones, his flesh, his organs, give me his life!**

_**What about the invasion?**_

**Since when do you listen to the orders of your fake Chichue**(father…dunno about sp though…)**? You know as well as I do that that Hebi killed him and took his place as the Kazekage. Am I wrong?** Shukaku asked with a smirk.

_**No, you're not wrong kaa-san. I shall have his blood before **__**he**__** does.**_ Gaara stated.

…**It would be in our best interest not to aggravate or piss him off.**

_**Kaa-san? **_

**He is completely out of our league in terms of power, control, everything. He is our-no…he is MY superior.** Shukaku said in a weary voice as Gaara blocked all the moves from Kabuto with his sand.

**That boy is not human anymore my child. That boy is a true Yokai. It is funny how the vessel of the King of Demons, Kyuubi no Kitsune, is now Kyuubi himself.**

Gaara's eyes widened in shock when he heard Shukaku call him by that endearment; Shukaku had not called him 'my child' since his childhood. This slight distraction, however, was enough for Kabuto to kick him across the arena and slam into the wall. Gaara stood and glared at his opponent and started attacking. He managed to grab all four of Kabuto's limbs in his **Sabaku Kyuu**. He looked up at Naruto who was staring down at him with an insane gleam in his eyes that Gaara was immediately attracted to.

--

Kabuto groaned in pain as the sand slowly started to encase his body. He looked up at Gaara with pain filled eyes only to see him staring at the blond demon as if waiting for a signal. The sand stopped moving as soon as it reached his neck and he breathed a sigh of relief. He looked at the blond and saw him staring at him with a smirk before turning to Gaara and giving a slight nod.

Kabuto knew then, that this would be his end.

--

"The winner is..." Hayate started as soon as he saw Kabuto immobilized.

Gaara didn't give him a chance to finish as he lifted his hand and spoke in his emotionless tone.

"**Sabaku Sousou**"

Kabuto couldn't even scream as he was torn apart into pieces. Gaara's sand seemed to absorb the blood and pieces of flesh from the ground and on Gaara's body until it was grinded into fine dust.

The arena was quiet except for the retching sounds that most of the genin made. The Hokage, Jounin and ANBU that watched the entire proceeding, had grim looks on their faces.

Gaara stared at the judge of the exam who had just disqualified him for breaking the rules and turned away. He walked back up to the balcony and stared at the pathetic genin, most of whom were on the floor gasping for breath, and looked at the blond. He was in the same position, leaning against the railing with his chin propped up on one hand, and staring across the arena. Gaara followed his gaze to Konoha's Sandaime who looked grim but returned the stare with a look and a faint nod. He heard the blond chuckle then turn to stare at him with a wide smile. All was still before Gaara was glomped by the blond Kitsune who cooed in his ear.

"That was beautiful Panda-chan."

Gaara twitched.

--

Orochimaru fumed silently. His plans were falling apart at the seams! First, he didn't get close enough to mark the Uchiha, and then Kabuto had to go get himself killed. He glared at the vessel of Shukaku.

'Damn the boy and his uncontrollable bloodlust!' he snarled to himself. 'I'll have to forfeit my match in order to take my place as the Kazekage in the finals. I'm sure I'll have a shot at the Sasuke-kun during the invasion.'

--

The matches after Gaara's went without a hitch as the preliminaries came closer to the end. The winners so far were: Sasuke, Dosu, Shikamaru, Shino, Temari, Kankuro and Lee.

Lee was the only one who won the match by forfeit. Naruto had his nose scrunched up when the Kusa-nin was on the arena floor. When Kakashi asked, all he got was something about a snake needing to be skinned.

--

Naruto jumped down onto the arena floor and smiled.

"Looks like I'm the odd one out. Hyuuga Neji, you better watch your back because you're free game after the preliminaries are over. Ugh, saying your name is a mouthful. Hmm, from now on, your name shall be…FOB for Fate Obsessed Bast-ahem-Bitch."

"Oi, you just said Bastard. You were going to say Bastard instead if Bitch weren't you?!" Neji demanded.

"Why would I degrade you by calling you a bastard," Naruto asked innocently then muttered to himself. "Even though you really are a bastard."

'You're still degrading him!' was the collective thought.

--

Naruto's opponent was Lee, who looked excited to have another chance for a match.

"Hajime!" Hayate called and stepped off the field.

Naruto stared at Lee with his hands in his pockets while Lee got into his stance.

"Before we start, can I ask you a few questions?" Naruto asked.

"Of course my YOUTHFUL friend!!!!" Lee shouted and stood up from his stance.

"Great, now I want you to answer my questions with the first thing that comes to mind. Don't think, just answer. Got it?"

"HAI!!"

"Let's start then. What's your favorite sleeping position?"

"On my back."

"When you're 'sparring,' who do you think should do the most moving? A) The man B) The girl C) Both."

"C!!!!" Lee yelled.

--

"I have a bad feeling about this. Why do I have a bad feeling about this?" Asuma asked out loud.

"You're not the only one." Kakashi stated. He was pretty sure he knew where this was going.

--

"What's your favorite ice cream flavor?"

"MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP MY YOUTHFUL FRIEND!!"

"Okay, let's say that you're having a 'spar' blindfolded and you don't know who your partner is. Does this: A) Turn you…err…I mean, does this excite you or B) You don't care?"

"A!!! MY PASSIONATE FRIEND!"

"When it comes to 'sparring' positions, do you: A) Like try something new and interesting B) Let your partner call the shots C) Stick to the usual?

"Hmm, 'A' SOUND LIKE THE MOST YOUTHFUL ANSWER!!!"

--

"What are you doing Naruto?" Sarutobi whined under his breath.

"That brat is asking sexual questions and that idiot doesn't even know it!" Anko crowed, laughing.

"What I want to know is where he's going with all these questions." Ibiki said.

--

"As a child, what was your favorite thing to do at the playground?"

Lee tilted his head to the side.

"MY FAVORITE THING TO DO WAS HANG ON THE MONEY BARS!!!"

Naruto smirked.

--

"What was with that last question?" Kurenai asked.

"I don't know, but I think we'll find out soon enough." Kakashi said when he saw his blond student smirk.

--

"Final question; what is the one feature that stands out on your crush?"

"HER PINK HAIR!!!"

"Great, thanks. **Koori Shinchu no Jutsu**(Genjutsu-Sly Mind Affect)"

Naruto's smirk got wider as he counted down out loud.

"10…9…8…7…"

--

"AHHH…OHHH...KAMI…LEE!!!"

"S-Sakura-san."

--

"6…5…4…"

--

"FaSTer…OOHH….ahhh…ahhh….I'M CUMMING!"

"M-me Too…Ahhh!"

--

"3…2…

--

"LEE"

"SAKURA!!"

--

"1…and there we go." Naruto finished.

Lee was passed out on the floor with a wet spot in front of his leotard, a bloody nose, and a satisfied look on his face.

"You're welcome Lee." Naruto stated to the prone form.

Everyone was gaping at Naruto who took a picture and tried to stifle a laugh but giggles spilled from his lips. Kiba was laughing outright while Hinata had a blush on her cheeks and Shino had a smirk on his lips. Team Gai was stuck between humor, shock, and confusion. Shikamaru groaned but had his lips pulled into a smile. Asuma and Kakashi were chuckling with Sasuke looking at Lee with a look of sympathy.

'At least it wasn't me.' Sasuke thought.

"Winner is Uzumaki Naruto." Hayate called with a cough and a smile.

--

"He was doing it cowgirl style." Naruto said with a yawn while everyone either flushed or looked confused.

"What do you mean?" Chouji asked before Asuma could stop him.

Naruto raised a brow.

"I mean, he was flat on his back while she was riding his—"

"Okay then, let's stop right there." Kakashi said with a hand slapped over Naruto's mouth. Naruto frowned and was about to lick his palm when he realized that Kakashi was wearing gloves. So he did the next best thing. He bit him.

Kakashi whipped his hand off with a small yelp and a glare to his student.

"I'm bleeding."

"It serves you right," Naruto snorted then rounded on Sasuke. "Get your mind out of the gutter Duck-ass!!"

Sasuke just raised a brow.

"Don't give me that asshole! I can smell you arousal all the way from here you idiot and I'm 3 feet away from you!" Naruto growled. Sasuke just gave him a smug smirk and turned his head to look for his lover."

"May I have your attention please?" Sarutobi asked with a pointed look at Naruto who blinked innocently.

"A month from now, the 8 winners of the preliminary exam is going to face off on one-on-one matches in the finals. Killing will be allowed or until the proctor of the exam decides that one of the participants cannot go on. The matches, again, will be chosen by random, if you will Hayate." Sarutobi said while passing a hat to the sickly looking Jounin.

"In this hat are 8 pieces of paper, please pick one out and call the number." Sarutobi said.

Sasuke, who was first in line called his number.

"3"

Then Yoroi was next.

"4"

Next was Shikamaru.

"1"

Followed by, Shino.

"6"

"2" Temari called.

"5" Kankuro drawled.

"I have 8" Dosu said.

"Then that leaves me with lucky number 7." Naruto said with a smile.

"Good, these numbers are going to determine who you are going up against. The matches are as follows: First match: Nara Shikamaru VS Subaku no Temari. Second match: Akado Yoroi VS Uchiha Sasuke. Third match: Subaku no Kankuro VS Aburame Shino. Fourth match: Uzumaki Naruto VS Kinuta Dosu. The location of the final exam will be held in the stadium by the academy. Directions will be sent to each Jounin-sensei; any questions?"

Surprisingly, it was Shikamaru who asked a question.

"Is it only the winners of the matches that will become Chunin?" he asked.

"No, there will be many shinobi who will be attending that will decide whether or not you shall become Chunin or not. Just because you win your match doesn't mean that you will automatically become Chunin. The shinobi present will determine whether or not you are Chunin material. You are not only being evaluated on your skills in ninjutsu, taijutsu, and genjutsu but also your ability to strategize and think under pressure. Does that answer your question?" Sarutobi asked with a smile.

Shikamaru nodded and sighed.

"Mendoukusai(troublesome) na…" he was bopped on the head by his sensei. "Ite!"

"If that is all, then I wish you good luck and I will see you all in a month, dismissed!"

--

Everyone was leaving in a relaxed pace and talking to each other about the upcoming tournament. Naruto chuckled when he saw Gaara leave in a swirl of sand. He pouted slightly but waved when Haku and Sasuke left hand-in-hand and sighed. He looked straight and saw Kakashi with his nose buried in his book. Naruto caught up to him and spoke.

"How often do they update the Bingo Book?" Naruto asked. Kakashi faltered slightly before looking down at his student.

"Why?"

"What do you mean "Why"? I'm going to start looking for my hubby Madao." Naruto said.

"You were serious about looking for one in the Bingo Book?"

"Why would I lie about that?" Naruto asked exasperatedly.

"Never mind," Kakashi said. He was interrupted before he could say more by Neji.

"Uzumaki-san, I was wondering if we could speak in private." Neji said.

"Ah, it's you FOB," Neji twitched. "Sure we can talk, after I finish my conversation with Madao here."

Kakashi sighed but continued what he was saying.

"They update the book every year. Your in luck since the updated version comes out tomorrow. You can get a copy from any one of the shinobi weapons shop around noon." He said and disappeared in a swirl of leaves.

Naruto nodded and turned to Neji who gestured with his hand for them to walk forward.

--

They were at the park when Naruto spoke.

"Is this about my promise to kill you?"

Neji nodded. Naruto smirked.

"FOB, you have money right?"

Neji nodded with a slight frown.

"Well I've been meaning to buy the Bingo Book but it costs a pretty penny, if you know what I mean." Naruto said with a look.

"You want me to buy you the book in exchange for my life."

"Bingo! What do you say?" Naruto asked.

"I accept."

"Great! I want the updated version that comes out tomorrow. You heard what Madao said right?" Neji nodded. "Good, then you know where to get it. I'll meet you here tomorrow at 15 past noon."

"Agreed, but if I may ask, why the book?"

"Well for one, it's one less thing for me to buy. For another, it's all I need. I'm already immortalized, so you can't do anything for me there and I can't think of anything else to tell you the truth." Naruto said with a shrug.

"What do you mean, you're 'immortalized'?"

"You've heard about my team's mission in Nami right? Well, the client who hired us pissed me off so I promised to cut off his dick and sell it on the Black Market for money at the end of the mission. However, on the morning of the day we were returning to Konoha, he begged me to reconsider. I agreed and told him that if he could immortalize me, then I would forget about my promise. It turns out that his grandson saved him. An hour before we left, he named the bridge he was building after me. Isn't it amusing? The bridge he spent so much sweat, blood, and tears on, he named it after his tormentor because he wanted to save his manhood. That bridge which will bring money back into Nami is now named "The Great Uzumaki Naruto Bridge" as said by the client's grandson and agreed by the client himself." Naruto said with a chuckle.

Neji just stared at the blond before turning and walking away.

"I'll see you tomorrow at 12.15 FOB. Don't forget the book! Now, to find my kawaii Panda-chan..."

--

The customers at Ichiraku Ramen stared at the man sitting in the corner with sympathy and pity in their eyes. His back was to them as he faced the wall and ate with an air of depression hovering around him.

The tall figure was wrapped from head to toe in white bandages. He moved as delicately as possible as he lifted the chopstick to his lips to insert the food.

"Damn you Itachi." He growled under his breath.

He felt a glare pierce the back of his head and turned swiftly in his chair. He yelped in pain and fell to the floor with a muffled groan. He nearly cried as the places he fell on screamed in pain.

"I'm sorry." He whimpered while Itachi took the seat across from his. Kisame crawled back up onto his seat and picked up his chopsticks again.

"We're moving in a week." Itachi said lowly.

Kisame slurped the ramen, chewed, and then swallowed.

"Only on the Kyuubi brat?" Kisame asked.

"For now; Leader-sama wants us to observe the Ichibi vessel and Orochimaru before we do anything."

Kisame grunted and went back to his ramen. He looked at Itachi who was munching on a sick of Pocky and cringed. Itachi raised a brow as if to say "What, you have a problem fishy?"

Kisame looked into his ramen bowl with a depressed look.

'Fishy, why fishy? Why did I imagine him calling me fishy?! He wouldn't call me fishy right? He wouldn't hurt my feelings like that right?!' Kisame thought desperately.

The next 30 minutes of lunch was spent in silence as the air around Kisame got darker and Itachi pretended like nothing was wrong.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: i dun own Naruto or any reference to Gintama...**

For those of you who wanted Ita/Naru's relationship to be un-rushed....sorry, it is. They have a past together, and I hope that satifies you to some extent, but...yeah...sorry.

_Enjoy_

_**Niwasae Shiina

* * *

**_Naruto was lying on his back on top of the bed sheets with the Bingo Book held in front of his face. He hummed as he wrote another name down on the pad of paper next to him. He groaned and dropped the open book on his chest and covered his eyes with his left arm.

"I've been through half the book and only one person stuck out of all of them." he sighed and rolled on his stomach, dislodging the book. He propped the book up in front of him and stared at the picture.

"Kaguya Kimimaro, ka?" he traced the photo with his finger and tilted his head to the side.

"Hmmm, he reminds me of Panda-chan; especially those eyes, except his are a little darker than Panda-chan's."

Naruto flipped through the pages and wrote a few more names down until he came to the 'U' section of the book. He hesitated and frowned.

"Maybe I should just skip this section." he mumbled.

'Last time I saw Uchiha Itachi was when he saved me from being raped. I was 7 and he was 12. He should be 18 now, I'm pretty sure he grew more handsome as well,' Naruto sighed and stared at the page with unseeing eyes. 'Itachi…I wonder if you remember me. I miss you…'

--

Itachi sneezed silently and stuck another Pocky stick in his mouth. He was in disguise and staring after his otouto, who apparently was on a date with another guy.

'Hmm, they grow up fast.' He thought. He followed the couple silently as they reached the upper-class part of Konoha and stop in front of a building. He saw them climb up to the top floor and knock on the door. When the door opened, Itachi had to maneuver himself to see who they were visiting. His eyes widened when he saw who it was. The blond grew up to be beautiful and the whisker marks were gone, but he would never forget those eyes.

"Naruto-kun…" he whispered. He saw the blond stiffen and whip his head in Itachi's general area, but he was already gone.

--

Naruto frowned as he sat across from Haku and Sasuke.

'I'm pretty sure I heard someone call my name. There's no doubt about it. Someone was there and the scent I picked up is somewhat familiar.'

"Naruto?" Haku called. Naruto blinked and looked up.

"Did you say something?"

"Are you alright? You seem distracted." Haku said with a worried frown.

"I'm fine Haku-chan. That aside," Naruto said gently then turned to Sasuke with a flat look on his face. "What are **you** doing here? I don't remember inviting you so get out."

"I'm here because my koibito is here." Sasuke stated.

"Aww how sweet, now get out." Naruto said with a smile.

"I invited him Naruto." Haku said to stop the oncoming fight.

Naruto stared at Haku and smiled.

"That's fine then, now how can I help you?" Naruto asked sweetly, ignoring Sasuke.

Sasuke, on the other hand, was staring at him weirdly.

'Is he bipolar…no, he's just psycho. Yeah, just psycho…why does it sound like I'm trying to reassure myself? Wait, does this mean that I think that being psycho is better than being bipolar?' He thought about his pink haired bipolar teammate and shuddered. 'Yes, yes it is.'

--

"He looks constipated." Naruto said as he stared at Sasuke's frowning but pale face.

"He's just thinking hard."

"Thinking hard makes him constipated?"

"Please stop twisting my words, now have you looked through the Bingo Book yet?" Haku asked.

Naruto nodded and fingered the book next to him.

"I'm at the 'U' section right now, but the people I've considered so far are written down on the pad in front of you." Naruto said.

Haku looked through the list with a raised brow.

"There are only four names written down."

"I know, but none of the others appealed to me." Naruto said and dropped the book on the coffee table before him. The book landed on its spine and opened. It was as if the book had a will of its own and showed the one person that was constantly on Naruto's mind.

Uchiha Itachi.

--

Haku smiled at the look on Naruto's face as he stared at the recent picture of Sasuke's older brother. Naruto looked…soft. His eyes were half mast and there was a look of complete affection in them as he stared at the older Uchiha. There was a small smile on his face that spoke of joy and his cheeks gained a slight pink color to them. Haku frowned when he caught something else on Naruto's expression. There was a hint of sadness to his joy that made Haku wonder what kind of relationship the two had before the Uchiha became a nuke-nin.

Haku turned to look at Sasuke who looked at Naruto then at the picture of Itachi before coming to the same conclusion as Haku. Sasuke was pale and looked like he was going to pass out. He pulled Haku to his chest and sighed.

"Should I warn him?" he muttered.

"Warn who, Naruto?" Haku asked confused.

"As if," Sasuke snorted. "I was talking about Itachi."

"Why would you want to warn him? What are you going to warn him about?" Haku asked.

Sasuke just stared at his lover before pointedly looking at Naruto, who was still lost in thought. Haku giggled and snuggled into Sasuke's embrace.

"If you want to, but I personally wouldn't." Haku said.

Sasuke raised a brow.

"It would be more interesting to see how things turn out, don't you think?" Haku asked.

Sasuke smirked.

--

Itachi and Kisame were in a weapons shop to restock their supplies when Itachi saw Naruto walk by the shop window. Itachi walked towards the blond, only to walk into the window. He frowned but placed his hands and cheek against the window to follow the blond with his eyes.

Kisame was doing everything in his power to pretend that he didn't know Itachi as people started to stare and whisper about them.

"Mommy, mommy look! There's a funny nii-chan over there!" a young boy laughed.

"Don't stare Takahiro!"

"Okyaku-san(customer), your total comes to ¥144,300.00." the cashier said. Kisame blinked at the price and looked down at the items before frowning.

"I didn't pick that katana." He said. The katana was a new ANBU grade sword that had just come out on the market.

"Your friend left it here and told us that you would pay for everything." the cashier said.

"My friend…wait, masaka!" he whipped his head to the window and saw that Itachi had disappeared.

'I hate you, you Pocky freak!' Kisame cried inwardly as he paid the cashier.

--

Naruto was walking towards the bridge that was on training ground 7. He sighed and leaned against the bridge railing to look down at the water. He looked at his reflection and closed his eyes.

"Would you like to join me? Or are you just going to follow me around like a stalker?" Naruto asked out loud.

He heard the rustling of clothes and silent footsteps that joined him on the bridge.

"Are you going to open your eyes and look at me, Naruto-kun?" a large and warm hand touched his bangs then ran a calloused finger ran down his forehead, cheek, and to the tip of his chin. The warm hand cupped his chin and turned his head to face his companion.

"Are you afraid?" the deep soothing voice asked.

"Should I be?" Naruto asked in a shaky voice.

"Never, you are the only one person that should **never** be afraid of me. Intentionally or not, I would never hurt you." he felt the hand on his chin leave as two hands came up to cup his cheeks.

"…but you have. Do you know how many times I have dreamed of meeting you like this, only to wake up in agony when I realize that you aren't there?" Naruto asked quietly as he gripped his companion's left wrist in a tight hold.

Naruto felt his companion lean his forehead against his. He felt the warm puffs of breath against his lips, leaned up slightly, and felt his nose bump up with the others.

"Itachi…" he whispered and opened his eyes. Then just like that, he was trapped in pools of garnet. Those eyes pierced his soul and made him gasp. He breathed in shakily and traced Itachi's handsome features with his eyes.

Same ebony black hair, but longer and still tied back, pale face, and sharp features that matured with age. He let go of Itachi's wrist to trace the thin lines under his eyes, down the straight nose, and to the light pink cupid bow lips. He traced his fingers back up to smooth out the slight furrow between the thin brows. Itachi's fingers traced the ghost paths of whisker marks no longer there.

"Two years ago, almost three now, Kyuubi and I fused."

"The seal?" Itachi demanded.

"Yeah, the use of Kyuubi's chakra to heal my wounds and help me survive pushed the seal to convert his chakra into mine. It wasn't supposed happen until I was 18 but, it can't be helped. The life I lived…it still amazes me sometimes that I even survived." Naruto said with a tired kind of smile.

Naruto was brought into a tight hug, which he gladly returned. He inhaled Itachi's scent deeply and sighed in happiness.

'The scent of earth and Itachi mixed in with a hint of chocolate.'

Naruto giggled and basked in the embrace.

--

"Excuse me," Naruto bit out. "I'm sorry; I thought I just heard you say that I have to go train with this…this Ero-sannin for the rest of the month."

Sarutobi winced at the tone and looked from a jilted Jiraiya to Team 7 sans Sakura.

"Well, as you know, Kakashi is going to train Sasuke-kun to help with his Sharingan."

Naruto glared at Sasuke, who glared back.

"What would you need help with? Didn't you have your freaking Doujutsu since the Massacre, like 6 years ago? You're telling me, that for the past 6 years, you haven't done **anything** with it?!" Naruto demanded.

"I don't see you doing anything!"

"Does it look like I have a fucking Doujutsu or even a Kekkei Genkai you idiotic-retard?!"

"He got you there." Kakashi told Sasuke who glared at the scarecrow.

"Shut up Kakashi!" Sasuke growled.

Naruto rubbed the bridge of his nose with a groan and turned to the Sandaime Hokage and the Toad Sannin, Jiraiya.

"Duck-ass aside, I refuse to travel with a pervert. What if he rubs off on me?" Naruto wrinkled his nose. Everyone would've 'aww-ed' or cooed if it was anyone else other than Naruto.

'You're a pervert too! No, you're worse, you sexually molest people, consensual or not!' Sasuke thought.

"Look gaki, I can teach you some awesome moves! Be thankful that you'll actually be learning from me!" Jiraiya yelled.

"Learning what? How to make moves on women? Sorry to disappoint, but I bat for the home team." Naruto said as he examined his nails. Sarutobi chocked on his saliva, Kakashi sighed, and Sasuke face palmed himself.

"YOU'RE GAY?!" Jiraiya yelled.

"Ah, speaking of which, I chose my future hubby," Naruto said and turned to Sasuke with his fox-smile. "I look forward to living with you…nii-chan."

Sasuke's eyes widened as he started to hyperventilate.

"Sasuke? Sasuke!" Kakashi yelled as he helped the young Uchiha sit on the floor. He gave him a paper bag and told him to breathe.

'I that this would happen, but knowing is one thing! To actually hear it confirmed is another story! Oh Kami, he's going to be related to me!!!! Shit, he's gong to marry my brother!' Sasuke thought furiously as he clenched the paper bag in one hand. He did the one thing that anyone in his situation would do. He snapped.

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"

"Calm down Sasuke!" Kakashi yelled while Naruto started chuckling.

In the end, Sasuke was sedated and taken to the hospital with Kakashi to watch over him. This left Jiraiya, Sarutobi, and Naruto left to carry on the previous conversation.

"Uchiha Itachi?" Sarutobi asked.

"Of course it's Itachi! There's no way, I'd ever consider dating, much less **marry**, that Duck-ass!" Naruto spat out.

"But he's a nuke-nin!" Jiraiya stated.

"No he's not, and even if he was, I'd still marry him," Naruto said as he stared at the Sandaime who stared back at him. "I saw the file Ero-jiji. I know that he's in Akatsuki under your orders as a spy. I also know that he's Ero-Sannin's informant so drop the act you freaking pervert!"

Jiraiya gave a sheepish smile and scratched his cheek.

"Anyways, we strayed from the topic. Come on kid, I'll teach you how to summon."

"I already have a summoning contract and even if I didn't there'd be no way in hell that I'd choose a Frog summon." Naruto deadpanned.

"They're Toads not Frogs." Jiraiya twitched.

"Tomato To-mah-to." Naruto waved a hand.

"Fine then! What summon do you have anyways? I bet it's crappy!"

"Aww, did I hurt your feelings?" Naruto asked like a bully to a younger child. Then his voice changed into a happy tone. "Good, I hope you drown in your depression and commit suicide; preferably, in the near future. The world will survive with one less pervert out there."

"Perhaps we should continue this conversation tomorrow." Sarutobi said when he saw his student's hand twitch towards his kunai pouch.

"Fine by me," Naruto yawned and walked towards the door but stopped. "You wanted to know what contract I have right? Well, here's a hint: the boss summon has nine-tails. See ya!" With that, he left, slamming the door shut behind him.

Naruto smirked when he herd the wail coming out of the room.

"Now, to tell my hubby that he's going to be my hubby…" Naruto mumbled.

--

5 miles out of Konoha, Gaara, Temari, and Kankuro were training to prepare for the final exam and the oncoming invasion. Temari and Kankuro stayed as far away from Gaara as possible. Ever since meeting that Uzumaki Naruto, Gaara's been hair-triggered and anything that came as a surprise was eliminated.

Gaara stretched and preformed his katas before coming to a stop when his teacher approached him.

"The Uchiha is in the hospital." Baki sighed.

"Really, why?" Kankuro asked.

"I was hoping that you would know." Baki said staring at his redheaded student.

"It wasn't me." Gaara stated and proceeded to ignore his teacher.

**It will bet you everything that it was the blond devil.**

_**Uzumaki Naruto…I'm scared kaa-san. Whenever I'm around him, I feel like hiding in my Suna kekkai.**_

…**considering who we're talking about, what you are feeling is normal and to be expected.** Shukaku sighed.

_**But there are times, when I want to stay in his embrace. It is…comforting.**_

**That is natural for someone like you, who has never been touched without harmful intention.** Shukaku nodded from within his vessel.

_**Kaa-san, what is my relationship with Uzumaki Naruto?**_

Shukaku frowned before tapping his chin with one clawed finger.

**A family relationship, he sees you as his 'baby' like he does with that Haku boy.**

_**Haku?**_

**The one who had the Uchiha's sent all over him.**

…_**so, he is my parent?**_

**More like psycho Uncle…maybe you should talk to him about this instead.** Shukaku suggested.

……………………………………………………………………………………………_**..you wish for me to speak with Uzumaki Naruto?**_

**I guess you have a point. But if you want to know, it's better if you ask him. Besides, we know that he won't hurt you. **

_**Hai, I will speak with Uzumaki Naruto.**_

**Great.** Shukaku stated.

Gaara didn't move.

Shukaku cleared his throat and tapped his arm with a clawed hand. His tail twitched with nervous energy.

**Well? **He demanded.

_**I will visit him later.**_

**That's great too. Just take your time. There's no need to rush this.**

…

--

Naruto was sitting by Itachi with Itachi's Pocky stick in his mouth as the raven haired male thought about what the smaller blond told him. They were in Naruto's flat, sitting on the bed inside his room. It was already 9 p.m. and the blinds were shut to give them some cover from the ANBU who patrolled at night.

"I think you should take advantage of Jiraiya-sama's training. He knows two of your father's techniques that will interest you." Itachi said as he stopped Naruto from stealing his Pocky box with one hand.

"And what techniques would that be?" Naruto asked absently as he tried to reach for the box again, only to fail.

"The Rasengan and the beginning part to the Hiraishin no jutsu." Itachi said and held the box over Naruto's head.

"Why only the beginning?" Naruto asked, as he placed his knees on either side of Itachi's hips and lifted himself with one hand on the raven's shoulder, the other reaching for the box.

"Yondaime-sama was the only one who could do the technique," Itachi grunted as he put his free arm around Naruto's waist to trap him to his front. "I believe you can do it as well. You are your father's son."

Naruto, who was still on his knees, stared down at the raven, who was currently eye-level with his chin, who still had a Pocky stick in his mouth. Naruto leaned down, bit the end of the biscuit and snapped it in half.

"I'll talk to Ero-sanin tomorrow." Naruto said and finished his half of the Pocky stick. He stared up at the box of Pocky only to blink when Itachi leaned his head against the blonde's shoulder. He brought his other arm down and around his Kitsune and held him tightly to himself.

Naruto stroked Itachi's hair and leaned his entire weight onto the raven. Itachi slowly laid them down and started a staring match with his Kitsune.

"Marry me." Naruto demanded.

Itachi blinked and raised a brow.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: i dun own Naruto or any reference to Gintama...**

And here's your chappie! Next is the finals!

_Enjoy_

_**Niwasae Shiina

* * *

**_Itachi entered the hotel room the next morning to see Kisame eating breakfast and reading a newspaper. He picked up his new katana from the bed and attached it to his back under his cloak.

"Ah, you're going out again?" Kisame asked when he saw Itachi headed again for the door.

"Hn."

Kisame yawned and went back to reading the paper.

"Have fun." Kisame waved him off.

Itachi stood at the door and stared at the merman who looked up from the paper. The blue man paled a bit when he saw the Sharingan swirling.

"Is there something that you need? You're creeping me out with all that glare of yours." He muttered the last part.

"I want 5 years worth of Pocky." Itachi stated.

"…what?"

"10 years worth of Pocky."

"Why the hell do **I **have to buy you Pocky? And didn't you just say 5 years worth?!" Kisame yelled while standing up.

"It's your gift to me." Itachi said.

"For what exactly?! I just bought you that freaking katana!" he yelled while pointing at Itachi.

"It's for the wedding."

"Wedding, what wedding? Wait, who's getting married?"

"I am."

The room was silent as Kisame gapped at Itachi who just stared back stoically.

"Y-you're getting ma-ma-married?!" Kisame stuttered.

"Didn't I just say that?" Itachi glared. He turned and opened the door to leave when he paused.

"Coming is mandatory, so don't even think about escaping." Itachi said and shut the door behind him.

Kisame fell into the chair and cried on his folded arms. He heard the hidden message behind that sentence. "The only reason why it's mandatory is because I **want **that Pocky. You **better** bring the 15 years worth supply of Pocky, or I'll kill you."

Suddenly his head shot up.

'Wait, 15 years? Didn't he say 10 years? Why is it 15 years?!'

"WHY MEEEEEEE?!" he wailed.

BAM BAM

"Would you shut up already?! Some people are trying to sleep here!" the person next door yelled.

"Why meeee?!" Kisame whispered.

--

Naruto was humming and eating his breakfast when Haku barged into his flat. He fell to the floor in front of the open door and tried to regain his breath.

"Ah, Haku-chan! Is something the matter?" Naruto asked.

"H-Hatake-san kidnapped Sasuke from the hospital last night!" he gasped. Naruto handed him a glass of water.

"Really?" Naruto asked nonchalantly.

"Can't you at least act worried?" Haku asked after he calmed down. He was tired from running all the way from the hospital.

Naruto put a hand over his heart and gasped with his eyes wide.

"Gasp! Duck-ass was kidnapped by Madao?!"

"…"

"…"

"…never mind." Haku said with a sigh.

He stood and walked over to the dining table while Naruto closed the door and handed him another glass of water. Naruto sat in his seat and continued to eat.

"Are you hungry," Naruto asked. "I don't know why you're so worried about Duck-ass; didn't he tell you that Madao was going to train him for the rest of the month?"

"I already ate, thanks for asking," Haku said. "Well, yes he told me, but I didn't think he would leave like that."

"I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. I would worry more about whether or not Duck-ass actually comes to the finals." Naruto said as he finished his food. He clapped his hands together with a slight bow and took his dishes into the kitchen, where he proceeded to wash them.

"What do you mean?" Haku asked.

"I'll bet you right now, that Madao is going to drag out Duck-ass's training until the last minute, then arrive really late or after the finals are over with some lame excuse." Naruto said with a sigh as he wiped his hands clean with a towel and rejoined Haku.

"But, won't that make him disqualified?" Haku asked with a worried look.

"In any normal situation, yes, but you have to remember that Duck-ass is an Uchiha. The people that are making up the audience are the Lords and Lady's of Hi no Kuni as well as the shinobi. They are going to push for Duck-ass's match, even if he **is** abnormally late; so the most they can do is delay his match."

"I see." Haku said with a frown.

"That aside, guess what?" Naruto asked with an excited look in his eyes.

"What?" Haku asked.

"He said yes!" Naruto said.

"Huh?" Haku blinked.

"I'm getting married!" Naruto said happily with a genuine smile on his face, which made Haku blush. Suddenly, what Naruto said hit him like a sledgehammer and he shot to his feet.

"WHAT?!"

--

Itachi sighed as he stared at the Uchiha Main House. He knew his otouto wasn't there so he walked in through the front door.

"Tadai-" He stared then paused. His mouth thinned as he saw his younger self being smiled at by his mother. He could feel the ghost of his younger brother running past him and into the arms of their mother as she welcomed them back from the park. The image vanished and he continued into the house. He could hear the echo of footsteps of the previous occupants as they bustled around the house.

Itachi continued forward until he reached his parent's room. He laid a hand on the knob and all the noise that he heard before, vanished into the back of his mind as he opened the door. He saw his mother kneeling before him in her execution cell as she stared at him with guilt in her eyes.

"_I'm sorry Itachi."_

He walked forward and the image distorted then vanished. He looked around the room and let out a huff of air when he realized that the room looked exactly as it did the day of the execution. He walked towards the vanity and opened the top drawer. The dust shifted and fell on the floor as the drawer shook. He plucked the small jewelry box from the drawer and opened the box.

In the box laid the Uchiha heirloom ring. It was given to the Lady of the Clan to show her engagement to the Head of the Clan. In this case, it would be given to Naruto. He smiled when he thought about his blond Kitsune. He examined the ring and decided to take it to the jewelers to be cleaned and fitted. The ring had an onyx band with three main stones and two small diamonds in between each stone in a semicolon. Of the three main stones, the two outer stones were pearls in pear cuts while the middle stone was a garnet marquise cut.

The ring was made to stand out as a claim and that was exactly what he was doing. He put the ring back inside the box and slipped it into his pocket. He looked around one last time and vanished.

--

The owner of the jewelry store shook as the intimidating man dropped a ring box on the counter and told him to clean and fit it.

"Make the band a half size bigger." The man stated. The jeweler nodded furiously and got to work.

When the man looked at the ring, his eyes widened and turned his head to his guest.

"T-this is the U-Uchiha engagement ring," he stuttered. "T-then, y-you must be U-Uchiha I-Itachi!"

"Is this going to be a problem?" Itachi demanded with a glare.

The man shook his head and went back to work.

When Itachi left with the ring 30 minutes later, the man sighed in relief.

"Famous heirloom ring or not, that was the longest and most dangerous 30 minutes of my life." the man muttered as he wiped the sweat from his forehead.

--

Naruto placed a cool pack on Haku's forehead and sighed. Haku had passed out after he told him the news and had yet to wake up.

He looked at the clock and sighed again. He wrote a note and left it by Haku as he got ready to go to the Hokage Tower to talk with the two jiji's again.

--

"Where is that brat?" Jiraiya growled.

"I'm right here Ero-baka-sannin."

"Who are you calling a baka?!" Jiraiya demanded.

"If it looks like a baka, speaks like a baka, and acts like a baka then it must be a baka." Naruto said as he waved to Sarutobi who smiled and nodded to the boy.

"Now back to yesterday's discussion," Sarutobi said before Jiraiya strangled Naruto. "Would you please consider it Naruto? Training with a Sannin is a one in a lifetime opportunity."

"He's right brat!" Jiraiya said with a smug look.

"I've already talked to somebody about it and against my better judgment; I will agree to be trained." Naruto said with a cringe and a sigh.

"Great!" Jiraiya yelled and took Naruto by the arm before disappearing and reappearing in the middle of the Forest of Death.

"Gaki, yesterday you told me you had a summon," Jiraiya started.

"Yes I did."

"And I'm hoping to Kami that that hint you implied yesterday was false."

"Why would I lie about something like that?" Naruto asked with a frown.

"Because, that would mean that you have a summoning contract with Kyuubi."

"Exactly." Naruto said.

Everything was silent as Jiraiya stared at Naruto with a twitching brow and Naruto stared back with a raised one.

"…do I want to know how you got that contract?"

"Do you want to know?"

There was another minute of silence.

"No, it's alright. Now what I'm going to be teaching you is one of Yondaime's ultimate moves, the Rasengan. The Rasengan is composed of three steps. The first step," Jiraiya paused and pulled out a bag of water balloons. "Pop the water balloon."

Naruto just stared at the man before pulling out a kunai and popping the balloon. The balloon popped with a splash and the balloon scrap fell on the floor. Both stared at it for a few seconds before the elder smacked a palm to his face.

"Why don't I show you how to do it first..."

--

Naruto frowned as he walked home. The moon was already out and he still hadn't gotten the last step down. He had shocked Jiraiya with his progress but he still wasn't satisfied with it. When he reached his flat, he noticed that Haku had already left and sighed.

'My baby's going to kill Madao.' He thought with a slight smile that bloomed into a full smirk.

"What's so amusing?" a familiar voice asked.

Naruto blinked and looked up to see Itachi standing in front of his door. He smiled and glomped the older teen. Naruto had his legs around Itachi's waist and his arms around his neck while Itachi held the blond with one arm around the waist and the other under his ass. Itachi carried his blond into the flat and locked the door behind them as he walked towards the bedroom. He sat on the bed with Naruto on his lap as his blond Kitsune nuzzled him and pressed butterfly kisses on his cheek, jaw, and neck.

Itachi grasped Naruto's hair and pulled his head back before pulling him into a demanding kiss. Naruto moaned as Itachi's tongue invaded his mouth and turned him into a puddle of goo. He sucked on Itachi's tongue and smiled when the older teen gave a moan of pleasure. Naruto pulled back for air and gasped when Itachi nipped his bottom lip before licking it and pulling him into another kiss. When they pulled back, Itachi attacked Naruto's neck causing the blond to mewl and claw at Itachi's cloak covered back. Itachi smirked against the love bite and pressed a kiss against it before sighing and resting his head on Naruto's shoulder.

Itachi felt Naruto run a hand through his shoulder length unbound hair and sigh.

"I love you." Naruto said with a happy smile.

"I love you too." Itachi said and pulled back.

Naruto stared at him on confusion as he reached into his cloak pocket and pulled out a box. Naruto blinked before his eyes widened. Itachi placed Naruto on the bed and kneeled on one knee the floor before his blond. He picked up Naruto's left hand and pressed a kiss against the back of his hand before flipping the slender hand over and pressing a kiss against the lightly tanned and creamy skin of his inner wrist. He turned his heated gaze to Naruto's widened sapphire blue eyes and pressed another kiss in the center of his palm before cradling the smaller hand against his larger one. He pressed another kiss against the ring finger and opened the box and slipped the ring on.

"You're mine." He said possessively and pulled Naruto against him for a passionate kiss.

Naruto laughed and hugged his raven. There was a wide smile on his face as a tear of joy slipped down his cheek.

"Yes." He whispered and closed his eyes before laying his forehead against Itachi's.

--

Naruto stared at Jiraiya as he stuttered and fell on his ass. He was pointing to the Rasengan that was circling on Naruto's right hand.

"W-what the HELL?!" he finally yelled.

"What, it was pretty simple once I got it down." Naruto said with a frown.

"B-but, it took us, the Yondaime and I, 3 years!" he yelled.

"Yeah, well you're both old."

"YOU BRAT!"

"Yeah, yeah, don't give yourself an aneurism Ero-sannin." Naruto said as he negated the attack and yawned. He stumbled when Jiraiya caught his left hand and dragged him forward.

"What the," Naruto stared at Jiraiya who had his eyes fixed on his engagement ring. "Would you let go of me? It's disturbing and it feels like your coming onto me."

Jiraiya jumped back as if he was burned and glared at the blond.

"I've seen that ring before."

"Good for you." Naruto said flatly and created another Rasengan before trying to move it to the tips of his fingers.

"Urusai gaki! Where did you get that ring," Jiraiya asked and stared as the Rasengan split into 5 smaller balls on the tips of his fingers. "And what the hell are you doing?"

Naruto placed his hand on the tree beside him and blinked as the back of the trunk exploded. He brought his hand back and stared at the 5 holes on the trunk before humming.

"Well that was fun." Naruto said and reformed the Rasengan, except this time there was a greenish tint to the blue ball of chakra.

'…did he just complete the Rasengan? I think he just completed it. Uso! He just completed the Rasengan!' Jiraiya thought furiously.

"…what did you just do?" the older man asked warily.

"My chakra is a Fuuton type so I just added it." Naruto said.

"Just like that?" Jiraiya asked with narrowed eyes.

"I might've had help from my fiancé." Naruto said absently as he tried to move the completed Rasengan in his hand so that he could throw it.

"I see…wait, fiancé? You're engaged?!" Jiraiya demanded.

Naruto just raised an incredulous brow at the older man.

"Ero-sannin, you just **saw** my engagement ring," Naruto suddenly sighed and looked away from Jiraiya. "Well, it's only to be expected. I should've known that you'd have Alzheimer's."

"I DON'T HAVE ALZHEIMER'S YOU STUPID BRAT!!!"

"Short term memory then." Naruto waved a hand absently.

"I'm going to kill you." Jiraiya hissed.

"Go ahead and try Ero-sannin." Naruto snorted and Shunshin-ed away when Jiraiya jumped at him. Naruto appeared on top of another tree above Jiraiya and spoke.

"The finals are in a week, so I'm going to take the time off to play with my new technique. Ja ne Ero-sannin, it's been interesting while it lasted."

Jiraiya was about to reply when Naruto disappeared. Jiraiya sighed and rubbed his temples.

"He's just like you when it comes to causing me migraines, Minato. I swear if it wasn't you, I'm pretty sure your son is going to kill me with all the stress that I'm dealing with."


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: i dun own Naruto or any reference to Gintama...**

Another update...my birthday is coming up and I've been hinting at a new laptop since mine is now 3-4 years old...I want a Toshiba or an HP. Acer is fine too, but I'm not sure I'm going to get it...ugh...damn tornado....

_Enjoy_

_**Niwasae Shiina

* * *

**_Naruto yawned while looking around for his wayward teammate. The stadium was already filled and the Chunin candidates were already down on the arena, waiting for the Jounin proctor.

When the proctor arrived, it was with a sigh and a senbon rolling in his mouth.

"My name is Genma Shiranui. I will be the proctor for the finals since Hayate is currently unable too" the man said. He looked around and hummed. "We seem to be one short today. Do any of you know where Uchiha Sasuke is?"

'I knew this would happen.' Naruto thought and spoke.

"Madao kidnapped his ducky ass when he was hospitalized a couple weeks back."

Everyone on the arena floor turned to Naruto who ignored them in favor of waving at a certain homicidal redhead sitting in the first row.

"Isn't my baby adorable?" Naruto cooed.

Everyone else sweatdropped and took a step away from the blond. Gaara saw the sun glint off something on Naruto's finger and stared at it. It was a ring.

**Gaki…the psycho is engaged….**

_**Engaged…engaged to fight?**_

**What the—no you idiot! He's engaged to be married!**

"You're engaged to be married?" Gaara blurted out loud.

The stadium, which was quiet before, was dead silent now. Everyone turned to the smiling blond who nodded and showed off his ring to his 'Panda-chan'.

"N-Naruto?" Sarutobi stuttered. Even though, he was far away, his voice echoed as if he was talking through a loudspeaker.

"The love of my life proposed to me and what a proposal it was." Naruto said with a faint blush on his cheeks and a distant look in his eyes.

…**he's horny…**

_**Horny?**_

**Aroused, in heat, take your pick…**

"We almost did it that night but," Naruto moaned slightly which made almost everyone have a nosebleed. "I really wanted to suck it, it was so BIG. I wanted it in me, thru—mmph…" a familiar hand covered his mouth and Naruto twitched.

He bit down on the hand. Hard. Kakashi yelled in pain and pulled his bleeding hand back. Sasuke sighed and stood next to Naruto.

"You almost bit my finger off!"

"Then stop placing your hand over my mouth Madao!"

"I'll stop when you stop with your comments." Kakashi stated.

"Oh, like you've never heard worse." Naruto snorted.

"I have, but that's not the point." Kakashi sighed.

"You're just jealous Madao."

"What do I have to be jealous of?" Kakashi asked.

"You're jealous of the fact that very soon; **I'm** going to be doing everything that **you've** been fantasizing about with **my** fiancé," Naruto said with a smirk. "And all because you can't confess to **that** person."

Kakashi's eye narrowed.

"You lie."

"I would never!" Naruto snapped at Kakashi.

"Fine then, what's their name?"

Naruto raised a brow as if to say "Seriously?"

"His name means Dolphin otherwise known as Umi—" Naruto's mouth was taped shut.

"I think we all understand now, the importance of silence." Kakashi said wisely with a nod of his head.

'You're the one who told him to say their name!' was the collective thought.

Sasuke was staring at his Jounin-sensei before turning to Naruto who was peeling off the tape. He caught Naruto's eye and raised a brow.

"Yeah, it's him." Naruto said and rubbed his left hand over his mouth. Sasuke stared at the hand and took a step back, eyes wide.

'That ring…masaka! Aniki proposed?'

"YOU'RE ENGAGED?!"

Naruto smirked and flashed his ring.

--

"He actually did it?" Sakura whimpered.

"Oi, forehead what is Sasuke-kun talking about? Naruto can't be engaged!" Ino barked.

"I-I can s-see it from h-here." Hinata stated with her Byakugan on suddenly she gasped.

"What? What is it?" Kiba asked from beside the girl.

"T-that's the U-Uchiha H-heirloom ring!"

"You mean the one that's passed down to the Lady of the Clan?" Chouji asked from around his chips.

Hinata nodded.

"Wait, does that mean that Sasuke-kun and Naruto are getting married?!" Ino shrieked.

"No, the Uchiha is already seeing someone else. Besides, if you were paying attention, you can tell that he's surprised." Tenten said.

"She is correct." Neji said from behind everyone.

"You're alive?!" Kiba and Ino yelled. Neji's brow twitched.

"Naruto-kun decided not to kill me in exchange for the latest Bingo Book." The genius explained.

Sakura whimpered.

'Don't tell me…'

"Forehead?" Ino asked worriedly.

"That ring is passed down from Lady to Lady of the Clan. That means that he's engaged to the head of the Uchiha Clan, right?" Sakura asked.

"What's your point?" Ino asked.

"Uchiha Sasuke is not the head of the Uchiha Clan. Uchiha Itachi, his elder brother, is." Neji stated.

"Then that means…" Ino started.

"EHHH, USO!" Kiba, Ino, Hinata, Lee, and Tenten yelled.

--

'Aniki, how could you?' Sasuke's inner child whimpered.

"Will the candidates, but Nara Shikamaru and Subaku no Temari, please proceed to the balcony, the first match is about to begin." Genma said in a bored tone of voice.

Once everyone was off the arena, Genma started the match.

"I for-" Shikamaru started then stopped he felt eyes digging into his back and turned around. He looked up at the balcony and saw Naruto giving him his trademark smile. "Damn you Naru." He grumbled under his breath.

"Is something the matter," Temari demanded and swung her fan. "You should be paying more attention to your opponent!"

The gust of wind hit its target. Shikamaru hit the wall with a grunt and a sigh.

"Troublesome women." Shikamaru muttered on his back with his top half on the ground and his lower half propped up on the wall. He looked up at the sky and noticed that Naruto was directly above him on the balcony.

"Troublesome blond." He glared.

Naruto gave him an innocent look.

"If you want to retire early, don't you have to hurry and gain rank so that you can gain a higher income and retire comfortably?" Naruto asked.

"Che, mendoukusei," Shikamaru sighed and looked at his opponent. "But why does it have to be a woman?"

Temari twitched, "Do you have something against women Nara?"

"Not really, it's just that their all troublesome." His mother popped into mind and he sighed again.

A vein popped in Temari's forehead as she swung her fan down again and again. Each time she swung down, she took a step back. Shikamaru smirked when he saw her shadow touch shadowed area of the arena.

"I'm going to kill you Nara!" she yelled. She raised her fan over her head and froze. Her eyes widened.

"I-I can't move…"

"**Kagemane no Jutsu** success." Shikamaru said with his hands in a seal.

"H-how?" she stuttered as her hand, holding the fan, dropped next to her against her will while the other rose. She was copying Shikamaru's movements.

"You created a shadow when you raised your fan to attack me." Shikamaru stated.

'So, that's why he taunted me! This is it, I've lost damn it!' she cursed.

"I deem this match unable to continue. Winner: Nara Shikamaru!" Genma called. The audience grumbled at the short match and clapped unenthusiastically.

Shikamaru walked up the wall and jumped on the balcony as Genma called the second match.

"Akado Yoroi VS Uchiha Sasuke!"

"Break a leg Duck-ass, literally." Naruto said as he slapped Sasuke's, who was leaning against the railing, shoulder with unnecessary force. Sasuke fell over-was pushed over-the railing, twisted his body in mid-air, and landed in a crouch. He stood up and glared at the blond who waved.

"I thought that Uchiha's were supposed to be graceful."

"You pushed me over the railing!"

Naruto blinked and pointed to himself.

"Pushed you, what do you mean 'pushed you?' You fell over Duck-ass. I just give you a clap on the shoulder right Shino, Shika?" Naruto asked.

Shino and Shikamaru just nodded in agreement.

"See?"

"You know, I've been thinking," Sasuke started.

"You can think?" Naruto asked in amazement.

Sasuke twitched but ignored the jab.

"You're trying to kill me aren't you?" he finished.

"Trying? Why would I **try** to kill you? There's no point in trying when it can be easily done." Naruto said nonchalantly.

Sasuke twitched and rubbed his temples.

--

"Like I said before, please don't talk so casually about killing your fellow Konoha shinobi." Kakashi said from the stands as the Kages, Jounin, Chunin, and Genin all turned to look at him before looking at the blond.

Genma cleared his throat and began the match.

--

"That's your fiancé?!" Kisame yelled when he saw Itachi point out the ex-Kyuubi vessel.

They were sitting in the stands with plain black cloaks instead of their Akatsuki ones.

"Hn."

"But he's the Kyuubi vessel!"

Itachi frowned around his Pocky and twirled a kunai in his right hand, the left holding his Green Tea flavor Pocky box.

"He fused with the Kyuubi almost 3 years ago. We can't extract the demon from him anymore."

"Does the Leader know?" Kisame asked.

"Everyone knows, Fishy." Itachi said the last part under his breath and twirled the kunai threateningly.

'Why does everyone know but me?! It's not—wait…he just called me Fishy! He called me Fishy didn't he?! I can't help the way I was born! Why Kami-sama, why!!!!' Kisame wailed in his mind as a cloud of gloom hanged over his slouched form.

--

'So he sucks chakra out of his opponents huh? I wonder if he can shrivel a person up that way…hmm let's see now…'

"Oi, Akado Yoroi, I'll give you ¥5,000 if you suck him dry!" Naruto yelled down to the fighting duo.

Everyone stopped and stared at the blond before the two down on the field blushed furiously…as well as everyone else.

"What," Naruto asked with a frown before it clicked. "Oh, you guys are sick perverts."

'We don't want to hear that coming from you!' was the main thought in everyone's mind.

"I just wanted to see if you, Akado Yoroi, could shrivel up Duck-ass's body with your chakra absorption technique. Kami, you guys make me sick." Naruto said and looked away from the field.

--

In the medical bay area of the arena, Haku was leaning against the wall with Zabuza keeping him company. Haku was blushing with a hand over his face while Zabuza was chuckling.

"So, have you given the Uchiha brat a Felattio?" Zabuza asked with a smirk.

'This is your entire fault Naruto!' Haku cried in his mind as his face grew another shade of red while Zabuza roared with laughter.

--

"So, has the brat given you a blow job?" Kisame asked with a smirk.

"Wouldn't you like to know…" Itachi replied with a smug look on his face which scared the poor merman out of his mind.

"…actually no, no I don't. I'm sorry. Please don't answer..." Kisame said and cried inwardly.

--

Sasuke, disturbed by what Naruto was saying, ended the match with swift taijutsu movements that made Lee jump up and yell something about the passion of youth.

"Winner: Uchiha Sasuke!" Genma called and shoo-ed the Uchiha away while the unconscious Yoroi was taken away by the medic-nin's.

Sasuke walked up the wall like Shikamaru did earlier and landed next to Naruto. He glared at the blond.

"I hate you."

"The feeling's mutual Duck-ass," Naruto replied with a nonchalant wave of his hand. "Besides, it's not my fault that you guys took it the wrong way."

--

The third match didn't happen since Kankuro forfeited before the match even started, which started the fourth and final match.

"Final match: Uzumaki Naruto VS Kinuta Dosu, hajime!"

Dosu lifted his right arm and shouted:

"**Kyoumeisen**(vibrating sound drill)"

Naruto yelped and covered his sensitive ears and jumped away before the attack could hit. The place where Naruto was previously standing blew up which made the surrounding shinobi frown.

--

"Shit!" Kiba yelled and covered his ears while Akamaru whined and whimpered. Kurenai stared at her student worriedly when he pulled away his hands and saw dots of blood on them.

"He's using sound waves to try and destroy the inner ear." Neji stated from behind them where he sat with his teammates.

"This is bad, this is really bad." Kiba sated with worry in his eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"I'll say this now; Foxy's ears are 10 times better than my Clan's."

"Wait, that means," Kurenai said with wide eyes.

"Yeah, he would probably go deaf." Kiba said.

Everyone stared worriedly at the blond who was shaking his head and blinking his eyes. They could see that he was disorientated and off balance.

"You said probably." Sakura stated as she watched Naruto regain his composure and glare at Dosu.

"Un, my Clan collaborated with the Nara's to create a jutsu to reduce his hearing to that of a normal person. That's the only reason why he isn't passed out on the floor right now."

"So he's okay then." Sakura said.

Kiba shook his head.

"The jutsu is probably disabled now."

"What do you mean?" Chouji asked.

"The jutsu can only be disabled by a high pitched sound, like what Dosu is using. Naruto's in big trouble right now." Kiba said with a frown.

"This is bad." Tenten stated while everyone else agreed.

--

'Ugh, it's been 2 years since I've had my complete hearing abilities. Damn this sucks. Then again…' Naruto frowned as he channeled out the noise, like he used to before the jutsu, and focused on what Kankuro and Temari were saying.

"An invasion? Oto?" he muttered under his breath as he got ready to go another round with Dosu.

Dosu was about to attack again but stumbled. He was off balance and felt something warm running down his right side. He turned his head to his right side and screamed.

His right arm was missing.

Naruto clutched the small fan in his hand and spoke.

"**Fuuton: Kaze no Yaiba**(Wind: Blade of Wind)"

Naruto put the fan away and reveled in the pained moans that Dosu was giving. Dosu was kneeling with his face on the ground while his left hand clutched his bleeding shoulder.

"M-my a-arm…my arm!" he whimpered and cried.

Naruto walked over to Dosu and lifted him by the back of his shirt before grabbing his neck with one hand. The other started to make one hand seals to the amazement of the shinobi present.

"**Genjutsu: Shinjitsu no Jutsu**(Illusion: Truth technique...made it up...)"

--

Dosu gasped as he was surrounded by white. He called out but only heard his voice echo. He was still clutching his shoulder as he looked around wildly.

'Calm down, Dosu! This is exactly what he wants. Don't give in, just clear your mind.' He told himself as he took breathed in deeply and tried to ignore the pain.

He opened his eyes and looked around again when something caught the corner of his eye. He turned to the right and widened his eyes when he saw an inky black dot start to contaminate his white surroundings. It scared him as it grew bigger and continued to dominate the white. He tried to run away from it but couldn't move as the white gave out to black and everything faded away into the darkness. He couldn't see anything and started to hyperventilate.

Dosu felt something at his back and turned around quickly to see Naruto standing before him, holding a white rose which seemed to be the only light source in the darkness.

"It's beautiful isn't it, the light? So soft yet so strong, it guides our way in the darkness," Naruto said and his sapphire blue eyes on Dosu. "Do you want it?"

Dosu would do anything for that light; anything to banish the horrifying darkness that surrounded him in a never ending embrace.

"Give it to me! I'll do anything, anything!"

"Anything?" Naruto asked with his fox-like smile.

Dosu nodded furiously.

"Tell me everything about the invasion and Otogakure's part in it."


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: i dun own Naruto or any reference to Ginatma...**

I'm sorry for the late update! I meant to do it sooner but it was my the brat's, my younger brother, birthday...If any of my readers wants to buy him for some...reason or another...please, be my guest. I'll even box him up for you! He's 16 though...

Fortunately my mom doesn't know that I have an account on FFN or I'll be in deep shit if she finds out what I wrote about her "Precious baby" (cooing noises included).

_Enjoy_

_**Niwasae Shiina**_

_**

* * *

**_Naruto pulled out of the Genjutsu with a frown and released Dosu, who fell to the ground like a rag doll. Dosu was twitching on the ground with his eyes rolled back into his head. He whimpered and reached out a shaky hand. Naruto looked down when he felt Dosu grab his ankle.

"H-help m-me…" Dosu rasped.

Naruto raised a brow.

"Help you? Now why would I do that?" Naruto asked before tearing his foot away from Dosu's weak grasp.

"L-light…give it b-back…g-give…b-back…"

"Can't you ask properly? What a pitiful creature you are." Naruto smiled.

--

Genma sighed and started to name the winner when he noticed that said winner wasn't on the field anymore. He heard people gasp and the Hokage yell out a warning. He looked up and saw a cloud of dust coming out from the stand where the Kazekage and the Hokage were.

--

The Rookie 9 and Team Gai watched in horror as Naruto Shunshin-ed out of the arena and land on the railing in front of the Kages with a hand pulled back to attack. They saw Naruto thrust his hand towards the Kazekage's chest and created small explosion.

"Naruto!" Sakura screamed while Kakashi, Asuma, and Gai rushed towards the Kages. Kurenai stayed behind to guard the audience with the rest of the Jounin.

"What's going on, why is he attacking the Kazekage?!" Ino shouted.

"I don't know, but I don't think that he'd attack him without reason." Neji stated while Lee nodded enthusiastically.

--

Naruto blinked when he saw his hand, not through a chest, but the back of the Kazekage's chair instead. He pulled his hand back and looked at the Kazekage.

"Now why did you dodge? If you had stayed still my hand would've ripped out your heart, giving you a painless death."

"I did not feel like dying today." The Kazekage grunted out.

Naruto sighed when he felt a blade against his neck. He was surrounded by ANBU, Kakashi, Asuma, and Gai.

"Naruto," Kakashi groaned.

"Madao," Naruto replied in greeting.

"What is the meaning of this?" Sarutobi demanded.

Naruto frowned and turned to the Sandaime, ignoring the slight blood trailing down his neck from the katana.

"Didn't you know? That's not the Kazekage. The Kazekage has been dead for awhile now, right Orochimaru?" Naruto asked as he turned back to the Kazekage.

Sarutobi stood from his seat and turned to the Kazekage, whose shoulders were shaking. He was laughing.

"Very good Naruto-kun." Orochimaru chuckled and ripped away his disguise.

"Orochimaru!" Sarutobi yelled.

"It has been awhile Sarutobi-sensei." The Snake Sannin smirked and snapped his fingers. Immediately, people started to scream.

Kakashi, Asuma, and Gai along with half the ANBU left to join the invasion that started down below. Sarutobi was looking over the railing when he felt something coming at him. He dodged and tore his cloak away to reveal his battle clothes.

"I don't think you have the option of looking away sensei." Orochimaru smirked.

Sarutobi looked around and saw his ANBU engaged in battle with four teens. Naruto was nowhere to be found.

--

Naruto, who had escaped as soon as the Sound Four arrived, stood at the base of the building that that Sarutobi and Orochimaru were now at. He looked down at the dead body at his feet and looked back up at the roof top.

"That purple box-looking-thingy must be a barrier." He muttered. He sensed another shinobi coming at him from behind when the presence suddenly vanished. Naruto turned around and smiled when he saw Gaara standing there with his arms crossed.

"Panda-chan, what are you doing here?" Naruto asked as he glomped the redhead.

**Yes, what ****are**** you doing here?!** Shukaku demanded.

_**You were the one who told me to come this way.**_ Gaara replied.

**I told you to go left!**

_**I did go left.**_

**The other left!**

_**I don't have another left.**_

**I meant go right! Damn it all, now we're stuck with the psycho!** Shukaku wailed.

"-ra, Gaara, are you listening to me?" Naruto waved a hand in front of Gaara's face.

"I was listening to kaa-san and ended up here." he stated.

"You mean Shukaku?"

Gaara nodded and jumped to the side when Kakashi appeared with blood splattered on his uniform and a dead body at his feet. His Sharingan eye was uncovered and was twitching slightly with the use of it.

"What are you two doing just standing here?" he asked suspiciously.

"Panda-chan won't attack us." Naruto said.

"But he's with Suna." Kakashi said as he regained his breath. He took a step back when Naruto glared at him.

"You're point? He's my baby and I'll kill anyone who lays a hand on him with the ill intent."

"This is not the time to do what you want Naruto!" Kakashi said in a frustrated tone.

"I will not attack Konoha." Gaara stated before Naruto decided to rip apart the older man.

Kakashi whipped his head to him while Naruto smirked smugly.

"See, I told you so."

"Whatever, so, what are you two doing here?" Kakashi asked tiredly.

"The Ero-jiji is stuck with Orochimaru inside that purple box-looking-thingy. It looks like a barrier since the ANBU can't get inside." Naruto stated.

"Who is supporting the barrier?"

"The four retards that are standing at the corners." Naruto replied and turned back to the building.

"What are you doing?" Kakashi asked with narrowed eyes.

"I'm going to destroy the building. I'd get out of the way if I were you." Naruto said as he formed a Rasengan.

Kakashi and Gaara jumped back and watched as Naruto thrust his hand into the building. The building rumbled then groaned as it started to crumble to the ground.

--

"What the fuck is going on?!" Tayuya, the only Kunoichi of the Sound Four, demanded when the building they were standing on started to crumble.

"TAYUYA!" she heard Kidomaru scream. She looked up and gasped as her moment of distraction created an opening for an ANBU to strike her down. The last thing she saw was her teammate rushing towards her before her head was severed from her body.

As soon as the barrier was down, the ANBU rushed in to kill the rest of the Sound Four and help the Hokage.

--

Orochimaru growled as the barrier went down and glared at his former sensei. Sarutobi was gasping as he held his staff in a defensive position.

"My time is growing short sensei and yet you still persist in standing in my way. I'll kill you with my next attack." Orochimaru stated and raised his katana, Kusanagi, and charged.

"I don't think so!" a loud voice called as the person blocked Kusanagi and kicked Orochimaru back a few feet. Orochimaru stood with a growl and spat out his most hated name.

"Jiraiya."

--

"Naruto!" Kakashi yelled as the building collapsed. He couldn't seen Naruto and hoped that the blond wasn't trapped under all that rubble. Gaara had left as soon as Naruto used the Rasengan to kill off more Oto-nin's and keep the enemy from approaching the building.

Kakashi was about to rush towards the fallen building when a hand clamped down on his shoulder. Kakashi looked up and saw a blue merman in a black cloak. The merman had a smirk on his face which showed off his sharp teeth. Kakashi jumped away and got into a defensive position with a kunai.

"Who are you?"

"Protect your village Copy Cat. The blond brat will be fine without your help." The merman stated.

"Who are you and how do you know Naruto? Answer me!" Kakashi demanded.

"My name is Hoshigaki Kisame and I'm the friend," 'At least it think I'm his friend.' Kisame thought. "of the brat's fiancé."

--

Naruto moaned and cursed his stupidity as he lay under the rubble. His arm got stuck in the wall when he shot it with a Rasengan and got pulled under. Thankfully, he freed his arm in time before it got crushed. Unfortunately, now he was stuck under the building. His head ached from where a piece of the rubble hit him. He tried to move his legs and sighed as he realized that they were stuck. They weren't broken, but he couldn't move. He looked towards his legs and cursed again when he realized that he couldn't do anything. His legs were stuck between the supports that kept the building from completely collapsing and crushing him to death.

"Why, why me? Is this karma?" Naruto groaned.

'I can sense people nearby.' Naruto thought and slowly stopped the chakra that was protecting his hearing. He winced as he heard a multitude of noise before focusing on the presences nearby. He could hear Kakashi talking with someone and focused on their conversation.

'"Friend of the brat's fiancé?" Itachi?' Naruto thought and sat up. He focused on the presence near him and heard the sound of rubble being removed as well as his name being called.

"Itachi, I'm over here! Itachi!"

--

Itachi was removing the rubble as quickly as possible while trying to find his beloved. He gritted his teeth as he remembered seeing Naruto unable to move from the falling building. His heart had stopped when he saw Naruto disappear underneath the rubble. He remembered telling Kisame to keep Kakashi away as he tried to dig his lover out of his prison.

He called out for his lover for what seemed like the 100th time when he heard something.

"…over here! Itachi!"

"Naruto?!" he yelled and dug faster.

"You're behind me!" he heard and took a step back and punched a hole through the wall with a chakra laced fist. He rushed immediately to Naruto's side and held him close before pulling him into a kiss.

--

Naruto moaned around Itachi's tongue and pulled back with a gasp before laying his head against Itachi's neck.

"My legs, they're stuck." He panted as Itachi stroked his head.

"I'll get you out." Itachi said and Naruto sighed in bliss. The security he felt whenever he was with Itachi, released the tension within his body as he relaxed.

"How is the invasion going?" Naruto asked as Itachi examined the walls his legs were stuck between.

"With the help of Subaku no Gaara, the enemy has started to retreat."

"How about Ero-jiji and the Hebi?"

"Hokage-sama and Orochimaru moved to fight in another area as soon as the building collapsed. Jiraiya-sama is with them and so is the ANBU."

"So the Sound Four are gone?" Naruto asked,

"Hn," Itachi grunted as he started making hand seals. "**Chakura no Mesu**(Chakra Scalpel)"

He cut around Naruto's legs and dispelled the jutsu before pulling the blond out and onto his lap.

"My ears are starting to hurt. I need to reapply the jutsu as soon as possible." Naruto said as he furrowed his brows and buried his face into Itachi's cloak covered chest.

"Can't you do it now?" Itachi asked.

"It's a Fuuinjutsu(sealing). I need to paint the seals onto my ears before performing the jutsu."

"Your supplies?"

"At home." Naruto said grimly as he stood with Itachi and left the fallen building.

Naruto and Itachi saw Kisame standing by himself and went towards him. The merman raised a hand in greeting as soon as they were a few feet from him.

"So we finally get to meet. My name is Hoshigaki Kisame. I'm your fiancé's partner." Kisame stated with a sharp grin.

"Uzumaki Naruto." the blond said distractedly as he stared hard at the merman.

"Is something wrong?" Kisame asked after an uncomfortable moment of silence.

"Sushi." Naruto murmured.

"Excuse me?" Kisame asked with slightly winder eyes than usual.

"Nothing, absolutely nothing, right Itachi?" Naruto asked with a sweet smile.

"Hn." Itachi grunted with a smirk.

'I have a bad feeling about this. Why do I have a bad feeling? It's not like they're going to **do** anything to me…right?' Kisame thought as he took a step back.

"S-so, where to next?" Kisame asked into the silence.

"Are you staying?" Naruto asked Itachi who nodded.

"Then we should go and help Ero-jiji instead of everyone else. Duck-ass and Pepto can handle themselves, besides, I heard that hebi tastes good when roasted over an open fire." Naruto said with his infamous smile.

Itachi pressed a kiss to Naruto's forehead while Kisame scrunched his nose in disgust.

'Roasted hebi tastes nasty.' Was his last thought before they left to help the Hokage.

--

Sasuke sneezed as he ducked the oncoming attack. The enemy had retreated but there were still some strays left. He rubbed his nose quickly before using a Kanton jutsu to destroy the enemy. He stretched his arms and heard some of his joints pop when he was hit over the head.

"Don't do that, you'll get arthritis!" Haku said as he looked Sasuke over and healed a wound on his side.

Sasuke smiled at his lover and fingered the bun Haku pulled his hair into.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"I'm fine. Zabuza-sama was with me until a minute ago. I believe he went to help Hatake-san." Haku said with a sweet smile and pressed a kiss to Sasuke's healed wound.

Haku stood and gasped a bit when Sasuke pulled him into his arms in a hug.

"Where are they?" Sasuke asked as he ran his hand up and down Haku's back.

"They are near where the Hokage-sama, Jiraiya-sama, and Orochimaru are fighting. Gaara-san is there too." Haku said with a tired sigh as he leaned into Sasuke.

"I see. How are the others?"

"A few broken bones, but otherwise, the Rookie 9 and Team Gai are fine. I can't say the same for some of the Chunin, Jounin, and several civilians though. By the way, did you see Naruto anywhere?" Haku asked as he pulled back a bit.

"If I'm correct, then he's probably where Kakashi and Subaku no Gaara are." Sasuke said and released his hold on Haku.

"Shall we go then?"

"Hn." Sasuke grunted as they both Shunshin-ed away.

--

"How are you holding up Ino-pig?" Sakura gasped as she stood back-to-back with her ex-best friend.

"I'm fine Forehead-girl, I'm not the one with a sprained wrist." Ino said.

"Well, I'm not the one with a sprained ankle!" Sakura retorted.

"No one asked you!" Ino growled as she parried another attack.

"Fine, see if I care next time!" Sakura growled back.

They managed to bring down one of the three enemy shinobi surrounding them.

"Hey Ino," Sakura started.

"What?" Ino asked.

"There will be a next time right?"

Ino was silent for a moment before she smirked.

"Don't get all mushy on me Forehead-girl! I don't plan on dying anytime soon so you better stay alive as well! Besides, I still need to get a date from Sasuke-kun!"

Sakura smiled and gathered strength from the blonde's words.

"Not before I do Ino-pig!" she yelled as they both lunged for the last two opponents.

--

"Damn you, Jiraiya!" Orochimaru yelled as his left arm was cut off.

"Curse me all you like, but how **dare** you bring back the dead to do your work; especially the Sho, Ni, and Yondaime! Have you no respect for your former Hokages?!" Jiraiya demanded as he ripped out the tag from Shodaime's body and watched as the body crumbled into dust.

"Don't you mean, how dare I use your former student's body?" Orochimaru asked with a smirk as he clutched his wounded shoulder.

'Damn that Kabuto for dying! I need to escape. Sasuke-kun can wait, there's still one person who can help me!' Orochimaru thought. Orochimaru observed the fight and saw Jiraiya distracted with the Yondaime while Sarutobi struggled with the Nidaime.

'This is my chance!' Orochimaru smirked and turned away only to falter as he was engulfed in the black flames of **Amaterasu**(Illuminating Heaven…highest Kanton jutsu in existence).

--

Jiraiya stumbled and cursed as his former student rushed at him with a Rasengan. His view of Minato was blocked however by another blond who blocked the attack with a Rasengan of his own.

The clashing of the two Rasengan's created an explosion that shook the earth and flung everyone within a quarter mile, back. When the dust cleared, Jiraiya saw Naruto, kunai against kunai, with Minato.

"So, this is the fucker who sealed Kyuubi into me." Naruto said with a glare.

Minato blinked as he looked at the miniature version of himself and Kushina. His baby, his child…

"Naruto?" he asked.

Minato watched as Naruto flinched slightly and jump a few feet away from him. Naruto stared into his father's cerulean blue eyes and glared. Minato blinked when he saw his son glare at him with hate and sorrow swimming in his sapphire blues.

"Hello Otou-sama."


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: i dun own Naruto or any reference to Gintama...**

Hey people, another week, another chapter. It is now 2.43 AM and it's been two days since I turned 19. Where does the time fly?

~Anyways~

I--I forgot what I was going to say. Haha! Damn I'm tired...

_Enjoy_

_**Niwasae Shiina

* * *

**_"Oi, gaki…" Jiraiya trailed off. The Toad Sannin stared at the younger blond before looking at his former student.

"I've known. I've always known that he was my father." Naruto said as he stood with his back to Jiraiya. Itachi and Kisame stood by Naruto as they both stared at Minato. Now that Orochimaru was dead, his order, the one to kill Jiraiya and Sarutobi, was void. The five could hear Sarutobi talking to the Nidaime in hushed tones in the background.

"Are you alright?" Jiraiya asked.

Naruto gave him a look and snorted.

"Of course I'm fine."

'Fine my ass. I can practically taste your bloodlust in the air.' Jiraiya silently said to himself.

'Not bad, for a brat.' Kisame thought with a smirk.

'This will not end well.' Itachi frowned as the skin between his brows creased.

--

Haku and Sasuke were with Gaara as watched as the enemy retreated. Kakashi had left them to help the Hokage and the trio decided to go after him. They saw Kakashi standing as still as a statue behind a broken wall as he stared at the scene before him. The teens looked past him and frowned.

Sasuke stared hard as he recognized everyone except for the blue shark-man, the blond that looked like Naruto and the silver haired man in blue armor.

'Actually, the last two **do** look familiar but where have I seen them before?' Sasuke thought for a minute. He let his eyes wander past the Hokage Monument before they snapped back to it. He sucked in a sharp breath that made Haku turn to him in question.

"You recognize them Uchiha." Gaara stated.

Sasuke nodded sharply.

"What's going on?" Haku asked, he himself recognized the blue merman as Hoshigaki Kisame, one of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist.

"The blond that looks like Naruto and that man in the blue armor are the Yondaime and Nidaime Hokage." Sasuke said.

"But aren't they dead?!" Haku demanded.

"They are, or were." Kakashi stated. "I do believe that Orochimaru is responsible for this."

"Then where is he?" Sasuke demanded.

"I don't know." Kakashi said as he stared at his former sensei.

--

"Why don't we all rest for the day and meet again at the Hokage tower tomorrow?" Sarutobi suggested. He sent a pointed look at Itachi, who nodded and lifted Naruto, who was protesting, bridal style and Shunshin-ed away with Kisame.

Minato made to go after them but Jiraiya stopped him.

"Move." Minato demanded.

"You need to calm down Minato. Going after Naruto is not a good idea at this point."

"Are you telling me how to handle my son?" Minato growled.

"Minato-kun, Jiraiya is right. I hate to say this but," Sarutobi tried to explain Naruto's feelings delicately. "Naruto is not very fond of you."

"Does he hate me?" Minato asked softly.

Sarutobi's silence broke Minato's heart. He had a shocked but knowing look on his face as if he'd expected for Naruto to resent him but at the same time, he was in shock at hearing it confirmed.

"Give him time to cool down. I'll explain everything at the tower once we get there." Sarutobi said gently.

Minato nodded and Shunshin-ed away. Jiraiya sighed and looked at Sarutobi who nodded.

"Shall we go Nidaime-sama?" Jiraiya asked.

"Of course, we shall see you soon Hiruzen." The Nidaime said to Sarutobi, who nodded.

"You four can come out now." Sarutobi called.

--

Kakashi was frowning over what he heard when the Sandaime called for them to show themselves. Kakashi and the three teens stepped away from the broken wall and approached the worn out Hokage.

"Kakashi, I need you to assemble all the available Jounin and ANBU to meet at my office ASAP."

"Hai!" Kakashi saluted and disappeared. Sarutobi turned to the three teens and smiled tiredly.

"You three should go home and rest, everything else will be taken care of from here." Sarutobi told them and left towards the tower. Haku and Sasuke left as well, leaving Gaara to stare in the direction where, he was pretty sure, Naruto lived.

**The old man is right, you need to rest.**

_**What about Uzumaki Naruto?**_

**The psycho will be fine with his mate. **Shukaku said. So without another word, Gaara left in a swirl of sand.

--

"Do you think Naruto's alright?" Haku asked as he scrubbed Sasuke's back. They were in Sasuke's spacious bathroom that was filled to the brim with steam. Haku poured warm water to rinse off the soap and was swept off the ground as he was carried to the tub filled with warm water and placed in gently. Sasuke climbed in behind him and they both relaxed.

"Sasuke?" Haku asked and leaned his head against Sasuke's shoulder.

"Itachi will take care of him." Sasuke stated and closed his eyes.

Haku hummed with a slight frown and twined his fingers with Sasuke.

"He'll be fine." Sasuke said and pressed a kiss against Haku's temple.

'You better be.' Sasuke thought.

--

Once they reached Naruto's flat, Itachi went directly to Naruto's room while Kisame went to the guestroom. Both rooms had a full bathroom attached so they didn't have to wait to take a shower. Kisame took his and went to bed while Itachi and Naruto decided to take their time. Naruto took a shower first and then placed the Fuuinjutsu on himself, while Itachi was in the shower, with the help of a **Kage Bunshin**(shadow clone).

After Itachi had gotten out of the shower, they lay in bed and tried to relax as they reflected over the past few hours. Itachi could feel the stress building up in his Kitsune and ran a hand up and down his back in a claming gesture. Naruto gathered his thoughts as he curled his pajama clad body tightly around Itachi's black shirt and drawstring pants covered form.

"I," Naruto started and paused. "I was so close to attacking him. When I saw him, everything went red. Then he called my name and for a moment, I didn't know what to do. I was so angry just looking at him pissed me off. If you hadn't taken me away, I don't think anything would've stopped me from tearing his head from his body." Naruto said. He buried his head in the crook of Itachi's neck while Itachi rubbed circles on Naruto's lower back. Itachi could feel Naruto's tears of frustration wetting his shirt.

"I always resented him for ruining my life and leaving me all alone. I hated him for not being there when I needed him." Naruto sniffled as he spoke against the skin of Itachi's neck.

Itachi stared at Naruto's blond head and pressed a kiss to the golden locks and pressed another kiss to his ear.

"Look at me Naruto." he murmured against the shell of Naruto's ear. Naruto shivered and turned his head to stare at his beloved. Itachi pulled him up so that their foreheads pressed against each other. Their noses bumped lightly, which caused Naruto to smile a bit as Itachi kissed the tears from his cheeks. He licked a spot under Naruto's eye, which caused the blond to giggle a bit, and smirked before pressing a kiss there. He brushed another kiss on the tip of Naruto's nose before drawing him into a deep kiss. It was passionate as it was comforting. Naruto lost himself as Itachi's tongue massaged his and explored his mouth. Naruto pulled back for air and nipped Itachi's bottom lip before running his tongue over the small sting.

Itachi dragged Naruto's body to lie on top of his and relished in his gasp of pleasure as he sank into Itachi's body heat and nuzzled his cheek. Itachi ran a hand under Naruto's shirt and skimmed his hand on the soft skin of Naruto's back. The blond purred as he rested his head on Itachi's chest and fell asleep to the strong but relaxing beat of the raven's heart.

--

The next day, Naruto and Itachi left the room to see Kisame sitting on the couch reading the newspaper. Itachi brushed a kiss against Naruto's forehead and sat across from Kisame.

"Anything interesting?" Naruto asked as he went to the kitchen to make tea.

"Not really, the civilians, however, caught wind of the Nidaime's and Yondaime's resurrection."

Naruto snorted and rolled his eyes as he poured the tea into three cups and placed it on the coffee table between the two Nin's. He took a seat next to Itachi and cuddled up to his side as he sipped his tea.

30 minutes of peace later, someone knocked on the door. Naruto looked at the clock and sighed. It was only 10 in the morning. He walked to the door and opened it to see Jiraiya, who had a sympathetic look on his face.

"Gaki, the Hokages are asking for you and your companions to report to their office immediately."

"We'll be there." Naruto said and shut the door.

'I am **so** not ready for this.' Naruto thought as the trio prepared to leave.

--

Minato paced the length of the office as he twisted his hands. Sarutobi and Senju Tobirama, the Nidaime, were watching him and sighed in exasperation. Minato paused and glared at the two older men. He'd only had half a day and part of the morning to fully grasp all the information that Sarutobi had given him and he was not happy with any part of it. He couldn't look at this Village the same way he did when he was Hokage. His son, **his** son, had been beaten and abused by his 'precious people'. He couldn't even bring himself to accept the fact that his child was molested and almost sexually abused. Minato fumed at the fact that Naruto was forced to kill at a young age to protect himself. Not to mention the fact that **his** baby was **engaged** to a wanted man!

"How are you feeling about all this Senju-sama?" Minato asked.

"Not well, actually. I'm still coming to terms with the fact that the Village I protected with my life with would treat a child so. Konoha has always prided itself with the fact that anyone and everyone was welcome to live with acceptance. If I didn't recognize that monument, I would still be wondering if I was in the right Village." Sarutobi looked down in shame. "Though, I am surprised by the fact that the young Uzumaki decided to tie himself to Konoha as one of her shinobi."

"I was surprised about that too, actually." Sarutobi said as he lit his pipe and inhaled. He blew out the smoke with a thoughtful look on his face. "I didn't question him back then about his decision since I was too relieved at the fact that he wanted to join."

Minato stared at the two of them and sighed. What they had said had crossed his mind as well.

'Why did he join?' Minato questioned with a frown on his face. The office was silent until the door was thrown open by Jiraiya followed by Kisame, Itachi, and Naruto.

"Jiraiya, if that door is broken, you're the one that's going to be fixing it, by hand." Sarutobi stated.

"Aww, don't be like that old man!"

"Try looking in the mirror sometime Ero-Sannin." Naruto said as he closed the door behind him. Forcefully.

"Oi, what are you trying to do?! You did that purposefully didn't you," Jiraiya yelled in panic as the door gave a strange groan. "What do you have to say for yourself you brat?!"

"It's not my problem." Naruto said with a nonchalant shrug. He ignored the fuming Jiraiya as the Hokage's secretary pulled in some chairs for them to sit in. She pushed up her glasses and glared at Jiraiya, she was peeked on at the hot springs, before leaving through another door.

"Can't you just say 'oops' or something?" Jiraiya growled as he took his seat next to an amused Kisame.

"Oops." He said flatly as he ignored his chair and climbed onto Itachi's lap.

"At least say it meaningfully!"

"What is the point of saying it meaningfully when I **don't** mean it?" Naruto asked and turned away. He could feel Itachi's chest vibrating slightly with his low chuckles.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"

"It's not like it's my fault anyways."

"Don't try to lie when everyone saw you doing it!" Jiraiya yelled pointing a finger at the blond.

"Doing what?" Naruto asked.

"Closing the door!"

"Of course I closed the door you senile old man. Do you **want** everyone to hear what we're about to say in here?" Naruto demanded.

"I'm not senile! Ugh, you know what? Forget it. I'm getting tired just from arguing with you." Jiraiya groaned as he leaned back against his chair.

"Hmm, that's not the first time I've heard someone say that. I forgot who said it the last time though." Naruto said as tapped his chin in thought.

"Why am I not surprised?" Jiraiya muttered.

--

Somewhere near the Hokage Tower, Kakashi sneezed.

--

"If you two are finished, we can get to the reason why we are here." Sarutobi said with laughter shining in his eyes.

"Yes, like the fact that **you** are **engaged**! What were you thinking?! No nevermind, you probably weren't!" Minato yelled at his son.

Naruto narrowed his eyes and glared at the man.

"Excuse me? **Who** exactly do you think you're accusing of "not thinking", if you're going to go off on that tangent, then why don't we talk about **your** stupidity! Like, oh I don't know, sealing a fucking **demon** into a baby and telling people to treat said sacrifice as a hero? How naïve can you get?! The stupid demon just demolished over half the Kami damned Village and you're telling the freaking people to treat the jailor of said demon as a **hero**! If that isn't "not thinking", then I don't know what is!" Naruto yelled back.

"Okay, I admit that it was a mistake," Minato said and froze as everyone in the room winced.

'**That** was the **wrong **thing to say.' Everyone thought as they turned their wary eyes on the pissed off teen.

"Mistake, You call that a **mistake**?! You ruined my life you Kami damned bastard! I **HATE** you!" Naruto sobbed the last part as he buried his face in Itachi's cloak. Itachi held onto Naruto as the blond wrapped his arms around Itachi's neck and cried quietly. Itachi rubbed his blonde's back soothingly and pressed a kiss to the crown of his head. He sighed silently and felt hopeless for his beloved, who had gone through an emotional rollercoaster because of one man. He glared at Minato who looked hurt and guilty.

"Minato, just shut up and go sit down." Jiraiya said and glared at his student who was about to protest. Minato sat by Sarutobi with a sigh and a wince.

'Why is everything turning out so wrong?' Minato thought as he rubbed his temples.

--

Over the next few hours, everything from Naruto's childhood to the Akatsuki was discussed, which of course, included Mandara who was posing as Tobi and was the real leader of the organization.

"Are you sure you two aren't going to get in trouble for giving us information?" Minato asked.

Things had cooled between the two blonds but now, Naruto straight out ignored him and glared at him whenever the older blond spoke to him.

"There's no point. Kyuubi is already gone and the entire organization already knows that the two of them are going to get married." Kisame stated as he pointed his thumb to the couple.

Minato's brow twitched at the reminder.

"I was wondering, Naruto-kun, why did you decide to become a Konoha shinobi?" the Nidaime asked.

"By the time I was of age for the academy, I had already made some friends who asked me to stay when I decided to runaway." Naruto said with a yawn.

"Who were they?" Sarutobi asked.

"It was Shika, Kiba, and Shino."

"Where were you going to run off to?" Jiraiya asked.

"I don't know, but was going to try and find Itachi." Naruto said and smiled at the raven when Itachi blinked down at him.

"Why him?" Minato demanded.

"Why should I tell you?" Naruto retorted.

"Gaki just answer the question." Jiraiya said to stall the argument.

"Itachi was, and still is, the only one who made me fell safe. He's was the only one I trusted at the time."

"And now?" Sarutobi asked.

"Gaara has been added to my trust list." Naruto said.

"The Jinchuuriki of Sunagakure, why him, if I may ask?" Senju asked in confusion.

"I chose Panda-chan because he's the only one, beside Itachi, who won't lie to me. Besides, he's my, oh well **our**," Naruto said looking up at Itachi with a smile. "baby now. Just like Haku-chan."

"Dude, you guys aren't even married yet and you already have two full grown kids." Kisame joked while Itachi grunted. He already accepted it so it didn't bother him as much as it did before.

--

It was late in the afternoon and the meeting was coming to a close when Minato stood and slammed his hands down on the desk.

"I still don't approve of your engagement. Take off the ring Naruto."

Naruto blinked and gapped. He was pissed off and in shock. Just staring at the older blond made him fume. Minato may be his father, but he didn't even **know** the man and he suddenly wanted him, Naruto, to listen to him? Not likely.

"The hell I am!" he yelled.

"Take it off!" Minato demanded.

"What makes you think I'm going to listen to you?!" Naruto shouted as he pointed a finger at Minato.

"I'm your father!" Minato shouted back.

Jiraiya groaned while Sarutobi and Senju just sighed and shook their heads. Kisame snorted and rolled his eyes while Itachi glared at the older blond.

"What's your point? In case you haven't noticed, you've been dead for the last 15 years!"

"Well, I'm here now!"

"Technically, you're still dead!"

"Oi," Jiraiya called.

"That's below the belt!"

"Would you-" Jiraiya tried to interrupt but was interrupted.

"I care why?" Naruto drawled.

"Would you two just listen-" the Sannin tried again with a twitch.

"Do you even know what that ring symbolizes?!" Minato demanded.

"Of course I know! I'm not stupid!" Naruto retorted as Jiraiya took a deep breath.

"I seriously doubt that!" Minato stated.

"Would you two just, SHUT UP FOR A KAMI DAMNED MINUTE?!" Jiraiya yelled at the top of his lungs.

Minato and Naruto fell silent as everyone turned to stare at the irritated Sannin.

"Now, if we can just speak like civilized people, like we previously were, we can clear this topic in no time and go home." Jiraiya groaned. Being confined to the office for so long was driving him up the wall.

'And people wonder why I don't want to be Hokage.' Jiraiya thought with a snort.

"Since when were you civilized Ero-Sannin?" Naruto asked as he twined his fingers with Itachi's.

Jiraiya's brow twitched.

"I'm going to ignore that comment and—Minato, would you calm down!" the Sannin yelled at the fuming blond.

"In case you haven't noticed sensei, my son, **my** son, is being molested by that red-eyed pervert!"

"The gaki isn't being," Jiraiya started as he turned to the couple and pointed a finger at Itachi. "keep you hands above the waist Uchiha!"

Kisame snorted and leaned away at Itachi's glare while Naruto grabbed Itachi's hand and placed it on his ass. He stuck his tongue out at Jiraiya, who groaned, and glared, at his glaring father.

**--**

Sarutobi and the Senju sighed before Sarutobi spoke.

"Young people these days…"

Senju Tobirama, the Nidaime, nodded in agreement.

**--**

"Gaki, would you stop provoking your father!" Jiraiya groaned as Naruto cuddled with his fiancé.

"No one is telling him to stare at us." Naruto said as Itachi stroked his hair.

"That's not the point."

"Exactly, there is no point to this conversation. It's not our fault if he's having issues!"

"I'm standing right here you know." Minato growled.

"We're not talking **to** you, we're talking **about** you, so come off it, you old corpse! No offense Nidaime-sama." Naruto said with a slight bow of his head.

"None taken." Senju replied with a wave of his hand.

"Oi!" Minato protested.

Jiraiya turned to Sarutobi was a pointed look. Sarutobi sighed and cleared his throat to gain everyone's attention.

"If that is all, since I'm pretty sure it's not just me who wants to get out of this office, meeting is officially over."

Jiraiya, Kisame, Itachi, and Naruto immediately left while Minato rounded on Sarutobi. Before he could open his mouth, Sarutobi spoke.

"Just accept it Minato. You saw it, they love each other. If you want to reconcile with your son, accepting their engagement is the first step."

"But-" Minato started.

"Hiruzen didn't say that you have to **like** the fact that their engaged, but for the sake of your, nonexistent, relationship with your son, just accept it."

Minato sighed and looked up at the ceiling.

"Kushina would've accepted it, huh?" Minato asked.

Sarutobi chuckled.

"Yes she would've. She was very fond of Itachi if I remember correctly."

"She thought of the brat like a younger cousin or brother." Minato said and groaned. "I hope I don't regret this later on."

The two older men chuckled as the trio stood to leave and get some food.


	15. AN

Dear Guest and Readers,

Hello everyone! It has been a very long time since I've written anything and I hope this message clears up some of your questions.

To the Guest who left me a challenge request: I'm really happy that you like my stories and I am very sorry that it took me so long to give you a reply to your review. Unfortunately, I cannot accept your challenge request.

To the Guest and all my other Readers: As well as being swamped with college work and my job, I have lost a significant amount of interest in writing. My hobbies have changed and I am unsure whether or not I will be able to finish my stories. I would like to say I am going to complete my stories but realistically it might not happen.

**To be Blunt, Sarcastic, and Psychotic:** Truthfully, I cannot see myself completing this story anytime soon. This story was written during a time when I was constantly watching Gintama and laughing almost everyday. I can't seem to find the same humor that came to me so easily as I was writing this story. This story was more of a fun ride that I knew might end up like this. I am very sorry if I got everyone's hopes up, but unless I somehow regain that humor, this story is going to be on pause. Of course, if anyone would like to pick it up or play on this plot, you are very welcome too but please give credit where credit is due. I do not want to see anyone being accused of plagiarism.

**Finding and Regaining Love:** Now as for this story, I will most likely update. I have a few ideas for this story, and for those of you screaming for a threesome between Byakuya, Itachi, and Naruto, I wouldn't get my hopes too high on it. I love reading threesome and harem stories but I don't think that I would be able to write it. HOWEVER, there is a chance that it might happen. The situation that I will be putting the three in will be very intimate. Not in a lemony way but in a more emotional way. All I will say is that there will be babies in the future and no, it isn't because of mpreg.

**State of other stories:** Other than the NarutoXOvers, TBSP, and FRL I am not to focused on my other stories. At this point they are permanently on hiatus.

Lastly...**IF ANYONE WOULD LIKE TO PLAY ON MY STORIES OR BORROW SOMETHING FROM THEM OR CONTINUE THEM WITH YOUR OWN IDEA, YOU ARE VERY WELCOME TOO. JUST GIVE CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. I DO NOT WANT ANYONE TO BE ACCUSED OF PLAGIARISM SO PLEASE GIVE CREDIT TO ME IF YOU DECIDE TO ADD SOMETHING OF MINE TO YOUR STORIES. **

Thanks for taking the time to read my AN

Niwasae Shiina


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